A JIMMY AND CHRISSY KIND OF LOVE

The older I get, the more I realize what matters.
Growing up, I was a helpless romantic and I believed in LOVE!
I wanted to find that one person to grow old with and spend the rest of my life loving him.
As life goes on, you grow up, you meet "the one" or so you think; and they let you down so hard, it takes a life time to regroup. I've spent the last  twenty something years trying to figure out where I went wrong in my life and still can't make sense of anything.

If I had one wish in the world, it would be to have a Jimmy and Chrissy kind of love! He loves her with the fervency and reckless abandonment, women wish for. I LOVE THEM TOGETHER and I LOVE HIS DEDICATION TO HER. That's LOVE!!! Women run behind men so much; they aren't smart enough to allow men to pursue them. Women are so in love with the thought and the idea of love, their vision becomes distorted and they suffer from a Hysterical Blindness of sorts. It took me so many years to figure out when it's real, now that I know...I'm good to go. I had to learn what love is and what it's not! After my mother died, I prayed God would move Lucas out of my life, before things got to where they are now. I was hopeful, because I prayed about it and was sure God would send me someone to make me feel safe and secure, it hasn't happened yet! Not much has changed and life is still the same. Sleepless nights have become second nature for me, all I do is think. I think about my life, my dreams and how selfish people take up space in your life, because they don't want to see you happy. It took me  years, but I now KNOW for SURE what's REAL, TOLERATED and FAKE! Some people have the type of love where they can't bear being without each other, they complete one another...make each other feel whole. Then there's tolerated love; where we're together because of the kids, or because of a pregnancy (so you're forced to marry) or you're just settling because there is nothing else left to do. Lastly, you have the fakes, people who measure their love by lies and years. Some of us fall in to both of the last categories and I for one don't understand how men do it! Women are different, but men? Do you want to be there or are you forcing yourself to?

When I look at two people, I can tell if it's real or if they're "winging" it! Jim and Chrissy are not winging anything. He is completely enamored with her and it permeates through the screen. About two years ago, I met a guy and we became friends through small talk the day after the storm. We had connections in life by the people we knew, so I allowed him into my circle. One thing I admired about him (although we no longer speak) was his honesty. We hardly knew each other, but he began telling me how he watched me for a year. Now it may sound creepy, but I knew where he was going with it. To make my point, he admitted to admiring me as a woman. How I carried myself, how I moved, how I dealt with people and my family. He admitted to knowing my schedule and having a serious "CRUSH" on me, yet out of respect for Lucas, he never said anything to me. I could tell it was more than a "CRUSH," in the way he looked at me and treated me with respect. Our conversations became deeper and our friendship grew, especially after I found out about Lucas and his disaster. We spent a lot of time together, with me confiding in him about my catastrophic relationship.

To make a long story short, nothing ever transpired between us, other than understanding, long talks and what I thought was a friendship. He saw in me, what someone close to him, didn't see...and told me he was IN LOVE WITH ME! I was SHOCKED...but I was HAPPY! Because, with all I was going through, it feels good when a man knows you're a woman worth your weight in GOLD! Even Lucas realized his feelings were a little much; but he knew he couldn't retort, because he had his own mess to deal with and I wasn't about to stop being cool with someone who got me through a dark time in my life. Although I no longer speak to my "friend," I know this much; the next guy has some big shoes to fill. We fell out hard, but when he spoke of his feelings, I knew they were GENUINE and he had a girlfriend! But confessed how he felt and let his guard down. I FELT SOMETHING COMING FROM HIM, I'M SORRY...I FELT HIS FEELINGS and they were indeed REAL! He had a lot of mess with him and we talked about his women problems and his girlfriend. I tried to distract him whenever the subject of "US" came into play, that conversation just wasn't sensible and I knew I had to put our "friendship" on ice...thus causing its' demise. I know one thing, even though he wasn't a thought in my mind, I have to admit...I ADMIRED THE ATTENTION and his profession of LOVE for me! And I hope that when the REAL DEAL comes along, HE WILL ACT JUST LIKE HIM!