It's a shame when someone you thought you could trust, betrays you! Most men do cheat, we know they do. But when they betray you with a "SO CALLED FRIEND" we have a problem. I've gone through this before. I was young, stupid and selfish, but even in my youth, I had sense enough not to allow the mother of this man's children to find out what was going on. She was having her own affair with a friend of mines, so I thought I was validated or pardoned for my sin. Well I wasn't and I knew it wasn't right. But I kept my "secret" affair under wraps and had no intentions on becoming pregnant!
My mother in good fashion, wouldn't be her if she didn't warn me about the perils of sleeping with an engaged man who had three children. Even if his sorry ass didn't realize he had an OBLIGATION to his fiance' and children. As bad as I "thought" I liked him, I knew we were both WRONG for betraying her; whether she was sleeping with my friend or not. My mother gave me the most sound judgment about the situation and to this day, I remember what she said. "Zanee', you know why that girl is cheating on him, because for years he's been cheating on her and she is TIRED! It's unfair to her, because he has taken away her childhood!" And at the end of the day (mommy went on to say) "It's not fair to her for you to do this!" I don't care how you try to justify your mess, it's not right and your baby WILL NEVER MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM. HE ALREADY HAS FOUR CHILDREN OF HIS OWN; BOYS AND GIRLS, WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL YOUR CHILD MAKE? At the time, I didn't have an inkling or thought of having a baby, but carelessness does take precedence over responsibility and I learned the hard way.
His reaction to the pregnancy was "I want you, but I don't want anymore children right now!" I wasn't happy, but I know one things for certain, I was embarrassed and wanted to climb under a rock. I didn't want to be pregnant and for the first time, I really thought about how that girl was going to feel if she found this mess out...I wanted an ABORTION! Now I don't believe in abortion and NEVER HAD ONE, but it was sheer humiliation and my conscience was KILLING ME! All of a sudden, I wasn't so selfish anymore.I began thinking more of her feelings and the fact I did know her on a casual level. We'd had conversations, grew up together, knew the same people and shared a few laughs here and there. So I was more than DEAD WRONG and I KNEW IT!
I fought with termination, but knew I couldn't pull it off. I decided to lie about the paternity of my own child, SO NOT TO CAUSE MORE DAMAGE THAN I'D ALREADY CAUSED, especially to HER! She'd never done anything to me and THE GUILT WAS KILLING ME. I became depressed and sullen, I worked and hid most of the time and even when the baby was born, I STILL KEPT MY MESS UNDER WRAPS!
What I'm saying is, KARMA IS A BITCH & it took seventeen years for my MESS TO HAUNT ME! I trusted my so called fiance' with his SO CALLED FAMILY FRIEND; and their phone calls, texts and conversations. He DENIED any dealings with her and I TRUSTED HIM, BELIEVED HIM, even though I was SKEPTICAL of her RATCHED ASS. During my sin, I had sense enough to DISTANCE myself from this girl. My ex's PAIN IN THE ASS, had the audacity to try and BEFRIEND me, which infuriated me to the point of DISGUST! At the end of the day, I got my just punishment and KARMA paid me a visit, his "FRIEND" now has HIS KID!
So do I believe in that "FRIENDSHIP" mess between men and women? NOPE! Because one of them ALWAYS likes the other person or is in LOVE with them in some way. I have many male friends, but I keep them at bay, because I feel it is disrespectful to entertain extra mess on the side! I don't think things will ever be the same between us and I've learned so much from this experience. I hurt so many people and I am so full of anger, because I TRUSTED SOMEONE WHO CLAIMED HIS FRIEND WAS JUST "A FRIEND!" Now our bond has been BROKEN, I DON'T TRUST HIM AND I AM READY TO GO. I can tell you this, I WILL NEVER TRUST THAT FRIENDSHIP CRAP AGAIN & I'M GLAD I TRUSTED MY GUTT WHEN IT CAME TO HER!
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