See You At The Crossroads

Lately or should I say for the last eight years of my life, I've been at The Crossroads and I am afraid to leave. Picture yourself standing in the middle of a split dirt road wondering if you should go right or left!

For some people it is so easy to make life choices, it has NEVER been that way for me. I've always been indecisive about so many things; from choosing a career I love to the men I have relationships with. Being I've never been a serial dater, I have a tendency to date one man at a time; I guess it was because I was raised as a "church girl!"



The way I was brought up, was old fashioned and some what primitive. I'm not saying it was all wrong, but times have changed and I wish my thought process was different. Our doctrine was; men worked, were the providers and women stayed home and raised the family. At the time, I thought that was the way things should be. Not just because the pastor said so, but let's be real; back in the days our men, no matter what the race took care of our families. Women didn't have to worry about buying a house to live in, a car to drive or putting food on the table...it was just done!

So I grew up with this misconception about love, life and men! I realize I'd been living a fairytale most of my life. I longed for someone to grow old with, a childhood or high school sweet heart, like most women I knew had back then. I just knew if I remained "A GOOD GIRL" that God would send me a man that "APPRECIATED" my "VIRTUOUS TENDENCIES!" That turned out to be the biggest disappointment of my life. I was waiting for a resolution that would never come. I was waiting for "The UNDYING LOVE, His Proposal, My Mother's Joy, The Bridal Shower, The Dress, The Wedding, The Reception and The Honeymoon! I felt I was worth it all because I wasn't promiscuous and loose. I was a house girl, I cooked, I cleaned, I washed and was a modern day Florence from the Jefferson. My dream was to have my husband buy me my first home, I didn't think it was appropriate for me as a woman to do that; I couldn't have been more wrong. I looked forward to the day we went "house hunting" and after a day of looking at many houses in and out of our budget, I'd see one I really wanted and my husband would say, "that's a bit much, I don't think so!" Of course, I'd be disappointed and we'd go home. I'd probably call my mom and complain, only to hear her say; You need to be GRATEFUL, I lived in this apartment the great part of my life and this man is buying you a house? You better Shut up!" That's my Moms, in good fashion...shutting you down when you don't realize God's Blessings in your life! After listening to her logic, I'd change my thought process and think of the possibilities of a house we probably agreed on. Only for a Saturday morning breakfast at IHOP or dinner at a really nice restaurant and my husband saying "I need to show you something!" We're just driving and driving toward the place where I saw the house I wanted, but not what we agreed upon. All of a sudden, he's turning into the driveway of the house using the excuse the realtor is meeting him there so we can sign the papers for the other house. By now, 've stopped sulking and am just happy to be FINALLY LIVING IN A HOUSE! We get out of the car, because my husband claims the realtor has papers for us to sign. Instead, we walk up to the front door and he pushes the key into the lock and we walk right in! I look puzzled, "where's the realtor? Oh, my husband say...he'll be here in a minute. Meanwhile, sign these papers! Now I'm a lil upset, why do I have to sign papers in the house I wanted, but can't get!!! I see a pen on the counter with the papers, I sign uninterested and my husband hands me the keys, "Welcome to your new house!" I loose it at that point...HE CAME THROUGH FOR ME! I thank him PROFUSELY and the first thing I want to do is CALL MOMMY, GO GET HER AND BRING HER HERE! "I gotta go...I have to go get MOMMY!" Fast forward twenty plus years. The story is different and I don't care to share the disappointment. I will say, I wish I bought my own house! I am 43 years old and still living in an apartment. Life is funny, I don't know what's ahead, but for you young women out there, find your OWN WAY...BUY YOUR OWN HOUSE! DON'T WAIT FOR A MAN TO DO IT FOR YOU, YOU MIGHT STILL BE WAITING AT THE CROSSROADS FOR MANY THINGS. WHAT IS YOUR CROSSROAD?