Frederick - Please Be Gentle (Calling Your Name)

I so miss the days of REAL R&B music. You know, the classics that had you up late at night listening to The Quiet Storm on WBLS or Kiss FM. Vaughn Harper ruled the night and on Kiss, I remember the  soft velvety voice of "The Duke" Johnny Allen. Right now, I'm having brain fog so I can't recall all of the night time DJ's, but I do know one thing; music isn't the same anymore and probably never will be. Today's generation will N
EVER know what it is to covet the love they see their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or older siblings have. Everything is so sexual or has sexually overt undertones. Nobody talks about TRUE LOVE or SELFLESS ABANDON. Yes this is what we (the African American community) has to come to. There was a time, we held our relationships in HIGH REGARD!

No matter if you were rich or poor, you KNEW when YOU WERE IN LOVE with someone. Most of our parents and family members met when they were young; childhood or teenage sweethearts...got together and STAYED THAT WAY!

The songs before our time and before now spoke of:  LOVE, REAL FEELINGS and KEPT OUR  FAMILIES TOGETHER. Tell me I'm wrong, but how many times have you sat at family functions and gatherings; a particular song comes on and all the old' schooler's get up to dance?  Why? Because those songs were what brought them together and how got you here!

#TRUESTORY#

Don't mind me, I'm just having a moment! I just wish I was born earlier, in a different space and time. When men had morals and chose a wife based on real qualities, and not just slept with the masses. It was about QUALITY, not QUANTITY! Even if there were infidelities, his heart was there with the woman he TRULY LOVED and your LOVE was not a temporary thang.

Today, the Black family is suffering. We have allowed ourselves to be sucked up into selfish cesspool of lies, deceit and dishonesty; inflicted on us by the media. It's ok to be a side piece, break up families, have babies out of wedlock, never marry and shacking up is the next best thing. Feelings of LOVE are fleeting and momentary. Most men think if you are strong minded or have standards...you have "ISSUES!" They want a woman who will allow them to be disrespectful, not date or court them into a relationship. There are no dinner dates, flowers or trinkets. Just sex on the first date, pregnancy by the third and you know NOTHING about each other. Now you've just created a vicious cycle of dysfunction and you expect to be a wife, the man barely even knows you. There are no more songs to get boo'ed up with at a dance, today men are always looking for the next conquest and I don't think that'll ever change. Relationships now are rare, if you find yourself in a REAL ONE, THANK GOD and MOVE ON! As for me, I will continue to listen to my little ol' skool and be content with what used to be.

I Keep Forgettin'by my childhood friend Kareem Walkes...DREAMS ARE ATTAINABLE!!!

Shouts out to one of my childhood friends; Mr. Kareem"Ubettablowthatthangdown" Walkes! We grew up together and he was talented then, but you know we sleep on our "homies." Kareem always had a vision, worked hard, rode his motorcycle...but KEPT IT NICE WITH THAT HORN!!! He has remained humble over the years and NEVER let his HIDDEN TALENT GO TO HIS HEAD...This man is LIVING PROOF, DREAMS DO COME TO FRUITION WITH HARD WORK AND THE RIGHT HEART, GOD ALWAYS BLESSES YOU! CONGRATS KAREEM!!!!!!!!

I LOVE EATING WHOLE FOODS, TRADING AT JOE'S AND DOING IT THE FAIRWAY!

This post is a little off the beaten path, but it deserves honorable mention. My favorite stores that promote healthy eating and lifestyle; Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Fairway Market. It's amazing how many people have no idea why they're essential for your health.

Every time I hear of a grand opening for any of these stores, I wait with baited breath and an eager anticipation. My mother put me on to Whole Foods in the late 90's and Trader Joes in the 80's. We spent many Saturday's in Trader Joe's after out trips to Fortunoff's in Westbury. I found out about Fairway Market on my own, through my travels in N.Y.C. You see, Mommy was heavy into eating and living a healthy lifestyle ever since I could remember.

There were always vitamins, teas and healthy foods in my house. I learned a lot about herbs from her over the years and what they were for; coining my mother "The Witch Doctor! This was a woman who didn't use too many canned goods, baked cakes and pies but never ate them; had a ridiculous coffee addiction which I have inherited, but was NEVER OVERWEIGHT!

As a teenager, she plied me with all types of vitamins and believed in natural holistic healing. When I had cramps, she gave me 500 mg of Calcium; if I couldn't sleep, she recommended Sleepy Time Tea or Chamomile and I'd sleep like a baby. Each day, I watched her swallow a host of pills and drink a menagerie of herbal teas. She didn't age and was never plagued with the usual ailments plaguing  most African Americans. Mommy never suffered with high blood pressure, diabetes and her skin was as flawless as one of a porcelain doll.

Until she took sick, there were no gray hairs and even in death, her skin was beautiful.

I've learned so much about living a healthy lifestyle from my mom and as much as I'd laugh at her for her obsession with health; I've become my mother and LOVE every last one of these stores.

Today, I shop at these same stores, take a crap load of vitamins and herbal supplements, I frequent colonic cleansings and take African supplements that rid my system of worms and they do work!

My diet has changed. I haven't eaten red meat or pork in years, stopped drinking soda, juices that are full of sugar. I'm no saint though, I LOVE COFFEE and I do use Equal...I'm sorry!

But I can tell you this: my pressure is good, I don't have sugar, I don't drink hard alcohol, do drugs, smoke cigarettes and I sure don't look like I'm 43 years old!

I do need to lose a little more weight. Although, I have no desire to lose my Booty or Breasts...I am aware I do need a Tummy Tuck; after my four C-sections. But for the most part, I'm good!

Healthy eating is the best thing for us all. Being of southern descent, PROUD SOUTHERN DESCENT, I've learned to cheat once in a while. If you want to feel better and not look 100, eat better, you'll feel better and live better!

Last week, Mr. Lucas and I went to the new Whole Foods on 3rd Avenue in Brooklyn. I was like a kid in a candy store. Wishing I had about $500.00 extra to buy things I don't even need. But when you shop in stores like these, I've learned one thing "When you know better, you do better." Especially in terms of your health and feeling good about yourself!

 

GETTING DURTY...PRESERVING WHAT YOU HAVE OR RECLAIMING WHAT YOU LOST!

The other morning Sharene and I were on the phone talking about why men don't seem to realize when they've crossed the line of NO RETURN. That the damage done can be irreparable when men bring a child into the equation of a relationship in progress. Even on those so called coined "BREAK SESSIONS," men need to realize IF YOU GET YOUR JUMP OFF PREGNANT...IT'S A WRAP!
Growing up, I witnessed many wives, common law wives and girlfriends accept these extra liabilities called "OUTSIDE" children into their families. Everyone was like one big happy family! In the large scheme of things; women of yesterday appeared to have more reservation and class about how they interacted with each other.
These women today, are RATCHET, DISRESPECTFUL and bare no SHAME. I am old school and I believe if you find yourself pregnant by a man who is married or involved with another woman; YOU NEED TO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SOMEWHERE AND KEEP QUIET! Don't go around looking for VALIDATION or RELEVANCY because you will NEVER GET ANY!  Remember, you've made the choice to destroy many lives and it is not fair: to the woman, her children or yourself.  But most women are too STUPID to see how it will affect them later on. Shock Jock and WBLS air personality Wendy Williams said it best "How you get him is how you keep him!" If you deliberately broke up his home to have him, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE IN YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP...TRUST THAT.
One morning over a cup of joe and a conversation with my girlfriend Sharene, I asked her why men refuse to believe you're going to eventually move on and want nothing to do with them or that mess?
Why do they think, it's not your beef and this too will pass and you're going to go on living happily ever after? Are they really that DENSE? Yes, they are...because unfortunately, Lucas is!
Then she said something to me her brother Terrel told someone, if you want your relationship or marriage back..."YOU GOTTA GET DURTY!"
Right away, I knew what Terrel meant. He broke it down so it would be forever and eternally BROKE! He advised, You have to do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE WHAT YOU HAVE WITH YOUR WIFE, and WHATEVER GETTING DURTY TAKES IS WHAT YOU BETTER DO! I never heard saving a relationship put into that type of perspective before, It was sooooo DEEP!
Right then, my mind told me what I already felt and my heart knew...and I came to the conclusion; God has a BETTER PLAN FOR MY LIFE! I appreciate Terrel for breaking that down, it made me think and CONFIRM that a MAN WILL GO HARD TO FIX WHAT HE'S RUINED and then again...there's NO FIXING CERTAIN THINGS! That its' ok, to move on and FIND LOVE AGAIN. IF A MAN CAN'T GET DURTY FOR YOU, THAT MEANS HE LIKES THROWING DIRT ON YOU!

STAR AKA TROI TORAIN....I LUV THIS DUDE!!! KEEPIN IT ONE HUNNIT!!!

CHEMISTRY

When I hit You Tube's button to watch Toni & "Face" sing "Hurt You," I sat mesmerized by them. I thought it was just the lighting, but it was DEFINITELY something else. I was so open by their body language and heat. I could feel something a little deeper than SEXUAL TENSION, and wondering if they knew it. The other night they were on Arsenio Hall and he asked them why they never got together, funny...they didn't even know! It makes you wonder why two people can never fully WALK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER and I think I know...CHEMISTRY!!!!!!
Have you ever wondered why two people can NEVER FORGET EACH OTHER OR WALK AWAY COMPLETELY? I've come up with many things and I know this; sometimes men let "THE ONE" slip through their fingers. Instead of facing up to the mistakes they've made, they hold grudges against the woman they've hurt. You have to wonder why men can be so selfish and self centered, when they know they love that girl. But you let her go to chase frivolous foolishness and she got tired of you waiting to FIGURE IT OUT! Years later after all the hurt feelings you find; FEELINGS STILL EXIST, LOVE IS DEFINITELY THERE and the CHEMISTRY IS THERE!  No matter how hard you try, she stays in the back of your mind. So much to the point you begin to ask yourself why you left her in the first place; and if who you're with now was worth your time, because you constantly find fault in your marriage or relationship. Let's be honest, you wished you had married that girl and been miserable with her, than the one your with now. Was all the drama and nonsense you put your relationship on through worth it? I bet you wish you could've went back in time and changed just a few things, huh?
Now this just isn't about men, women go through the same things too, but we tend to bare our souls to the man we are TRULY IN LOVE WITH! He will know with out reservation that our LOVE IS REAL AND DEEPLY ETERNAL! It's like walking to edge of a cliff and jumping and falling...not knowing how you're going to land. All you know is, something is there that something keeps drawing you back to each other; even as the years go by. Why can't you leave each other alone? If you hate each other so much, there's nothing to talk about, but if there is CHEMISTRY...YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE!

Toni Braxton, Babyface - Hurt You

Tamar Braxton - All The Way Home

I had to give a small synapsis of this song and it makes me loonnnnggg for REAL LOVE. The words to this song take me to a place I wanna stay. Lay in a crisp white bed with light airy silk sheets enveloped across the bed...with a glass of Coconut Moscato. It has to be in Las Vegas at the Venetian, mixed with the cooling effects of heat and a beautiful Lemon Verbena scented Nest candle. Yes, I am looking forward to thinking of "HIM" All The Way Home...

K. Michelle - "V.S.O.P." NO WORDS NEEDED...

"CHERRY WINE!!!"

one

 
 
It was a Hot Indian Summer day in 2012. I was sitting in the car with Lucas raving about Nas' latest song."I got this one joint I want you to hear!" So I go ok, because sometimes he over does the whole rap thing. I think he gets caught up in the HYPE! For me, Nas is HIP HOP ROYALTY. The lineage of artist he comes from is beyond GREAT and I expect nothing less from whenever he puts out a new CD.
He hits track #13 and a familiar old school beat starts filling my ears; then I hear a guitar sound likened to a ukulele. I'm hooked on from the start of Amy's voice and the BASS LINE HAD ME STOLE! Right away, I fell in love with the "STORY" because we all know Nas is a "STORY TELLER" with a"VIVID IMAGINATION!" The funny thing is my mind begins wandering and I find myself in this "ZONE!" All of a sudden, a light hearted happiness seems to fill my heart and my soul begins a "DANCE." You all know what "THE DANCE "is...RIGHT? 'THE DANCE OF TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE!" Only thing is, the song doesn't remind me of him at all, and I'm saying to myself "OH BOY!" I hate when he puts me on to songs, because they are NEVER for him or us. This happened in 2004, when we were together for like two years or so and Usher's Confessions CD came out; he hits track # 18 and Usher begins with "There's always that one person who will always have your heart...Why? I listen to this ballad and memories flood my mind! Why am I tormented by these songs? Why does he always put me on to songs that represent NOTHING about us? WHY? Riding in the car one afternoon; I was so wracked with guilt, that I had a "confession" of my own; admitting to my mother (who was still alive) the song reminded me of someone else!

My mother just shook her head and said "That's a shame," I think you two are better off friends! He's a nice guy, but you have no "REAL" feelings and neither does he. I used to get upset when Mommy tried to advise me about Life and Love, but Lord knows she was right. The moral of this story is; If your mind doesn't do a "DANCE BETWEEN YOU AND THAT MAN," then you have no rhythm at all! And honestly, it's a sign. If your love doesn't have a soundtrack; especially with us as women, then "HE IS NOT YOUR CHERRY WINE OR YOUR BOO!" I.J.S!!!!

NO NEED TO TELL YOU MY STORY, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE UP ONE ANYWAY!

Isn't it amazing how people think they KNOW YOU? You have a few heart felt conversations or talks with someone and they swear they've got you figured out? I get that frequently! I love the way folks mistake my loud, jovial, talkative demeanor so callously; only to be literally chin checked by MY VERBAL REALITY! They quickly find out, there's nothing shallow about this one right here. Oh, I am quite the "SOCIAL BUTTERFLY" but only when I have to be...it's what the streets call "POLITIKIN!" Politic is what I do, smile for the camera, but folks have no idea...NO REALLY YOU DON'T!
Katie taught me quite a few things about life & my momma was the quintessential Southern Belle, The Georgia Peach and them Georgia women  "Ain't fenda show you no face!" Meaning: personal business stayed just what it was PERSONAL! With that said, No matter whatever is going on in my life, I won't be walking around looking like I done lost my best friend, NOPE...NOT ME, KATIE DIDN'T RAISE ZANEE' like that.
I love people who talk about how LOUD I AM, HOW OVER THE TOP MY PERSONALITY IS AND THE ONES WHO SWEAR THEY KNOW MY LIFE STORY; when you only KNOW WHAT I TELL YOU! I've been through HELL AND HIGH WATER, but I won't show it...I wasn't raised to. SO HATE ME IF YOU CHOOSE TO, YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT WHAT I GO THROUGH OR HAVE GONE THROUGH!
Women are the ones you gotta love the most. We are our own worse enemies! Which is why I keep to myself and have become some what of a recluse, because WOMEN CAN'T BE TRUSTED! Not all of us are like this, but the vast majority of us are so JEALOUS, PETTY, CATTY, TWO-FACED AND PHONY, it's not funny. There's always some underlying issue we have within ourselves and instead of dealing with our insecurities, we envy other women who can. With that being said, this is the reason I am often alone. Once you've given enough heart felt advice, been a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear; you pretty much get tired of keeping secrets and holding your tongue after these same broads done put your business out in the streets. And most of it are lies or some misconstrued foolishness.
Today, I have trust issues with people, BIG TIME and have often said if I suddenly became rich, NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO FIND ME!!!! Only a select few would know my whereabouts and if you believe nothing else I've said in this post "BELIEVE THAT!" This walk we call life ain't easy, and folks may think they KNOW MY NAME, KNOW MY VOICE OR MY LOUD MOUTH, BUT I KNOW ONE THING...MANY OF YOU "THINK YOU KNOW ME, BUT YOU REALLY DON'T!"

Some People Were Made To Be Together...

This song came out right after a life altering, mind blowing experience I had. There's no need to elaborate, but twenty something years later when I hear this song I wonder how many people realize there was one person they were made for. You know it, your friends know it and EVERYBODY who knows or knew your HISTORY; shake their heads and  PROCLAIM "YOU KNOW YALL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER RIGHT?" Most adults dismiss teenage love as a "PHASE", but when they still ask you about him or her; you know YOU WERE MADE TO BE TOGETHER! Life is funny and I hate when fate intercepts TRUE LOVE between two people. It's amazing how the people who NEVER wanted to see you together are quick to ask you about the person and inform you about what's going on in that person's life.  Another weird thing is; you know you were made for each other when people actually think you are siblings! As time goes on, you disagree about everything,  you live to fight and make up, when you wait each other out to see who'll call first...all that mess! You know she was meant for you when you have your pick of the litter in women; yet NOBODY CAN TALK TO HER, LET ALONE SLEEP WITH HER! You know she was supposed to be your wife when you decide SHE REMINDS YOU OF YOUR MOTHER and YOU WANT HER TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS! You know WERE MADE TO BE TOGETHER, when you avoid talking to her because SHE CAN "READ" YOU LIKE NO OTHER WOMAN CAN! Call you out on your "ISH" and you just let her rant, rave, call her CRAZY and LAUGH BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE'S RIGHT!

I've seen many couples like this, who weathered the storm and are STILL TOGETHER. They have grown old, but stay young in each other's eyes. They have grown children, they have grandchildren and have experienced life's ups and downs. Celebrated, fuss and fought, loved and lost; but they are able to grow together to ENJOY THE GOOD, BAD AND THE UGLY!

A woman knows that ONE MAN( NEXT TO GOD) SHE BELONGS TO and I don't care what other DUDE comes along; YOU'RE BASICALLY WASTING YOUR TIME BECAUSE HER HEART  BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE! In time she WILL TELL YOUR ASS TOO...MAKE HER MAD OR GET IT MISCONSTRUED THAT YOUR ARE "THE ONE" AND SHE WILL BUST YOUR BUBBLE AS QUICK AS YOU BLEW IT! The saddest thing about people who were made to be together, is they rarely are. And as hard as it is; they miss each other deep down, but God has other plans. If your love is REAL, it's worth preserving...I learned this a long time ago. After a marriage, engagement and four children; I realized I NEVER WAS IN LOVE WITH ANY OF MY CHILDREN'S FATHERS! Why? Because it was too easy for me to stop speaking to them without a thought. I don't hold grudges against them, I'm not angry or mad with them...I just don't want to be bothered, PERIOD! We have nothing to talk about, not even the children. Would I speak to them if I saw them in passing? Sure, being cordial is FREE, but to revisit anything other than a casual conversation is absurd. So in short ( as Big Pun would say) "GO THAT WAY!" No disrespect, but I could careless about their lives and have no desire to share what's going on in mines.

Any Who...there are some people who were MADE TO BE TOGETHER, and their LOVE IS ETERNAL! I've seen people go on to marry other people and they are NEVER SATISFIED WITH WHO THEIR WITH and it resonates throughout the course of their marriage or relationship. And trust me, being together for years doesn't mean YOU WERE MADE TO BE TOGETHER OR SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. Most women are really confused about this concept. Sometimes, men only marry you when they have a life changing moment or they've been forced to marry you because of them children or because a parent thinks it's a good look! You didn't marry for love or you wouldn't have to FEUD like the HATFIELDS and Mc COYS...I'm sorry! Are you going to disagree and fight...YES YOU ARE, but when you have to "HOLLA MARRIAGE IS HARD AND TAKES A LOT OF HARD WORK, IT'S NOT THAT HARD TRUST ME!" When LOVE IS TRUE and NOT FORCED...THERE IS A NATURAL FLOW! ALL THAT DRAMA WON'T EXIST IN ABUNDANCE "IF YOU WERE MADE TO BE TOGETHER!"

If You Start Your Relationship With A Lie, It Will End With One!

When I first met Lucas, he was really a nice guy. Always helpful and knowledgeable about cars and the car business; because of that, we became cool. Whenever I had a problem with my car, I knew I could always find a refuge in him. At one point, he'd been so helpful, I offered to cook my new "friend" dinner.
We wound up going on a date instead! Talking for hours about any and everything, he was like my B.F.F back then. We'd even sit in the car and watch women's asses together...we STILL do!
The one thing I always told him was I HATE A LIAR! If you want to get anywhere with me, NEVER LIE I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS! What was the first thing he did? Lie to me about his age. I realize now, I shouldn't have ignored the warning bells going off in my head. Because I NEVER dated men younger than me, I HAVE NO PATIENCE for CHILDREN and what in the world would I do with his young ass? I was thirty two, been married once and had two small children. My life consisted of work, them and my mother. I had no time to party or hang out, because I had a private school tuition to pay, food to put on the table, clothes to dress my kids in and a roof to keep over their heads. Not to mention cable, light, gas, car note and insurance! I was on my grind for real and hustling the system. My money went to necessity, not luxury and I wasn't about to just have any man over my children; playing couch commando with my remote and not giving Time Warner Cable bill money. No man was sitting up in my house: running up bills, eating up food and not contributing to the cause..."HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT!" And you wasn't fenda pimp my ride with the next chick in tow; while I sat home with my kids lying to my Mommy about why you had my car! No, I was a HARD ASS, cause I had two children who depended on me to take care of them and I WASN'T TAKING CARE OF NO GROWN ASS MAN TOO!
But Lucas was different, or so I thought. He had a job and NEVER ASKED ME FOR ANYTHING! More than that, he was respectful and nice to my family; even though Mommy told him "He didn't have enough for me!" My mother wasn't one to mince words and she saw me working too HARD to settle for some regular JOE SCHMOE, so she really didn't like him much. We stayed together through a lot. Mommy dying, my breakdown, me not wanting to leave the house once Mommy died, two more children and my own family drama! But in spite of my realness with him, he's a LIAR and in more ways than one. I believe all men need space, and I gave him more than enough of it and he abused it! I'm not going into the dynamics of it; but my advice to any man is: "If a woman's major pet peeve is lying, try to PROTECT YOUR INTEREST OR WHAT YOU HAVE WITH HER!" Because once she finds out you've been lying to her, SHE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU! It may not be today or tomorrow, but BELIEVE ME...SHE IS GONE & the LIE you told won't be worth it.
If it's over some broad, YOU CAN REALLY FORGET IT! Because I know I want nothing more than peace of mind at this point and to be rid of him and his "FAMILY" with his "FRIEND!"
Our relationship began with a lie about his "AGE" and is ending with a lie about a "GOOD FRIEND", who he now has fathered a child with and there's just no coming back from that. I now realize the sad TRUTH, that there are just some LIES YOU CANNOT FORGIVE...no matter HOW HARD U TRY. It's been a year and I tried, but the lies just keep coming. So we're at the point where it's business and co-parenting for the little ones. A LIE IS A LIE...IF YOU BEGIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A LIE, IT WILL END WITH ONE! THE QUESTION IS...WAS THE LIE WORTH IT?

Anita Baker - Caught Up In The Rapture (VH1 Classic Music Video)

How Can I Keep Calm And Follow My Blogging Dreams!!!

 

I am a writer and I LOVE TO WRITE. I don't proclaim to be an English scholar nor am I able to write the great American novel. But I do love to write and express myself. I tend to say what ever comes to mind which often gets me in a ish load of trouble; I call it "Tourette's Syndrome"' of the mouth. One thing about me though; is I am no liar, I am honest, won't sugar coat anything and never saw the need for DISHONESTY!

I am good at telling the truth and forcing others to face their OWN truths; but I've never been able to face my OWN truths. I always pretended to have all the answers for everyone else, but none for myself. The truth is I was lost and had absolutely no direction for my own life and was confused about where I was going.

In school we had no real exposure about what career paths to embark on or to take. If you weren't  encouraged to become a nurse or a teacher, there seemed to be no encouragement in pursuing any  career at all. So I spent my life wearing a variety of hats; from a hairstylist, to becoming teacher and Dean at a high school, and lastly an HRA caseworker. Urgggh, and the list goes on. But in all true honesty, I WAS NEVER HAPPY! My heart was in every place but, my "jobs!" Notice I didn't say career, because there is a distinct difference. The one thing I have always been good at was accompanying my friends and family on shopping excursions. I was the "go to" girl when it came down to what to wear or what new style was trending. I had talent and didn't even know it. Because no one was there to encourage, inspire or cultivate the drive in me. There was even a time I could "predict" what style would be on the "comeback" and I still can!

My first experience with being a "stylist" was when I accompanied my (then best friend) Leslie to Jamaica Avenue to Tick Tock for a back to school wardrobe. Leslie and I had met during my transfer from Far Rockaway High School to Beach Channel. Although we ran in different circles, we met through mutual a friend; named Eric. Leslie spent a lot of time hanging out with the Puerto Rican Clique. They wore leggings, oversized sized socks and clunky Reeboks'. Green and pink lipsticks with other gaudy colors, not to mention oversized faux oversized Benetton sweaters. The Jheri curls and sneakers did nothing for my new found friend. Not meant offensively, but there was a distinction between the way Black girls dressed and the way Puerto Rican girls dressed. I am in no way discrediting my Latina sisters, but they weren't really into fashion the way African American girls were.

I was the new girl in town & I was known for my style of dress. Religious reasons prohibited me from wearing pants, but believe me I was cleaner than the board of health. Silk blouses, leather suits, Coca Cola sweaters, Benetton, a menagerie of leather jackets in many colors, suede shoes to match my suede fronts along with sheepskin coats and hats. My hair was always hooked, neatly coiffed and styled to perfection. I NEVER LEFT MY HOUSE WITH A HAIR OUT OF PLACE. The scent of perfume reached my destination before I got there.

I loved clothes and had passion for fashion. In my young teenage world, looking good meant a lot. I owned a style that was all mine. Displaying an eclectic mix of class and modernism. Because of that, I was a mini FASHIONISTA at sixteen years old. I read the "BIBLES" of fashion; from Essence, Vogue, Elle, Vanity Fair to Cosmopolitan and Ebony. I LIVED in the KNOW! I knew who Adrienne Vitadini was and knew Donna Karan had a section in Macy's during the eighties, that was empty. Because Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger RULED! Donna who? No disrespect, I LOVE HER as a designer and now a philanthropist bringing about world change. But yes, I was that young girl, who admired the skin of the world's (then) most BEAUTIFUL models. It was because of them, that I began to take extra care of my skin. I too, wanted FLAWLESS, PORCLEIN SKIN! This is the one thing, models do posses, is BEAUTIFUL SKIN even WITHOUT TONS OF MAKE UP & I OBSESSED MYSELF WITH ACQUIRING THAT! 

 So that summer when Leslie asked me to go shopping with her, I felt honored

 and never thought in a million years women and men would be paid and lucrative paid to dress the stars.

During the nineties, I was livid when I realized Misa Hylton styled Jodeci and many other entertainment acts and was paid for it. I LOVE & ADMIRE HER; but felt disappointed because what she was doing, I didn't know I was doing, but she WAS PAID for doing it! Years went by and I resigned my life to working a nine to five job. Graduated from college, began applying to numerous grad programs, but was still LOST and UNHAPPY! I had no idea how to break into the industry and become a stylist. With a disgruntled and heavy heart, I became everything but what I wanted to become...a STYLIST! Work became work for and all I did was follow the lives of people in the beauty and fashion industries. By the time Y2K rolled around, women began blogging about everything I had interests in: clothing, fashion trends, designers, models, any and everything beauty or fashion related. All of a sudden, I was OBSESSED; but STILL had no idea of what path to follow or take. I was creative and wanted desperately to change my life and FOLLOW MY PASSION.

Right now, I am under reconstruction! I'm in the process of REBUILDING, RESTRUCTURING AND CREATING A NEW BRAND OF ME! I have no idea where to go or what to do...but I am so TIRED of BEING HAPPY FOR OTHERS & NOT MYSELF! THE TEARS I CRY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE COURAGE TO BUILD AND FUFILL THEIR DREAMS, BUILD THEIR BRAND AND ESTABLISH CAREERS...ARE GENUINE & I WANT TO FULFULL MY DREAMS TOO! AND IF GOD WILLS IT...I'M GOING TO CLAIM IT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT WORK TO FEEL LIKE WORK ANYMORE!

 

 

 

When It's Real!

It's no secret:" I LOVE JIMMY and CHRISSY!" I love what they have and it's REAL!!! When you have a love as GENUINE as theirs, you've been BLESSED BY GOD! People talk, society talks and family DEFINITELY talk, but they haven't allowed people to taint their LOVE. Some of the biggest distractions in the world have enveloped them in a whirlwind of controversy, but they still stand. Mama Jones has been the biggest distraction to date, but they still STAND!
I can't say the same for myself and I've been trying with all my might to explain this to Lucas, but he has no idea what LOYALTY, HONESTY and TRUE LOVE MEANS. I'm not even talking about his debacle with infidelity, we are on a whole other level with this. If a man doesn't have enough RESPECT to formally introduce you to his family, put them in "check" when they get out of line...then it's time to move on.
If his friends have the audacity to influence his feelings for you, to the point where he HIDES his feelings or DOWN PLAYS your significance in his life...run like the wind. When you meet a man who feels compelled to keep female companions who (he knows) has a romantic interest in him and  you express the suspicion of her feelings; yet he STILL KEEPS HER COMPANY...leave dude alone. Even if you're like me; a girl who is quite SECURE in herself and has no time to entertain some broad who wants to pretend to be "BESTIES" with no feelings for a man. Yeah, Ok...we all know how that can play out at the end of the day. Most guys I've been "cool" with, have a crush. So when I get the slightest inkling of this, I quickly EXTINGUISH ANY HOPES OF A RELATIONSHIP! Either you're my friend or you're NOTHING and if you can't deal with that...PEACE! I detest guys who sit around like a hungry dog waiting for a RESOLUTION that will NEVER come. If I didn't like you back in the day, NOTHING will make me like you now...SORRY!
I've tried relentlessly to explain this concept to Lucas, it fell on deaf ears. But everything in this life is a learning experience. Next time I won't be so careless when it comes to women calling or texting my new man.  See, I'm not the JEALOUS type, it just doesn't work for me; it's a wasted emotion and shows INSECURITY! But when you are fair, and this "friend" not only contacts him on the regular, but tries to befriend you as his woman, we have an issue.
Men pursue me CONSTANTLY, but I ALWAYS keep them at arms length. I will not allow you to DISRESPECT ME OR MINES, even though this is a mess.
We need to know what RESPECT and TRUE LOVE is...also when folks are out of line. But as the world turns people NEVER seem to learn their LESSON. Although, I have experienced ALL OF THE ABOVE...I WILL NEVER STOP BELIEVING THERE ARE MEN WHO KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS AND WHO AREN'T AFRAID TO SHOW IT!



Justice for Our Children...Where's the real PROTECTION?

When Avonte first went missing, I looked at Lucas and he looked at me; searching my face for the answer of what I thought. Every time a child gets "missing" I'm not too confident about it.  If the child is not found during the first twenty four hours, chances are slim and grim!
Which was my reasoning for being OVER OVER PROTECTIVE of my children. I gave my daughter fifteen minutes to get home from school and if she didn't, it was CURTAINS for her. Why? Because, I know I'm not playing with a FULL DECK, MY ELEVATOR DOESN'T MAKE IT UP TO THE TOP, THE MALL IS OPEN, BUT NO ONE IS SHOPPING INSIDE & I'M JUST PLAIN CRAZY AS HELL WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO MY FAMILY OR PEOPLE I LOVE!
I RESPECT THE STRENGTH of CALM WOMEN like Avonte' & Trayvon's mothers; because I AM NOTHING LIKE THEM and I have a LIST OF FOLKS I'D LIKE TO PERCH UP ON A BUILDING AS A SNIPER FOR AND I MEAN THAT! A whole lot of folks are ALIVE because I'm AFRAID TO GO TO HELL WHEN I DIE!!! But I'm not that afraid when it comes down to children. Somebody took this BOY and I am REALLY HOT ABOUT IT! I'm going to STOP TALKING NOW, because what I have on my mind...GOD FORGIVES, BUT I DON'T, SO LORD FORGIVE ME!
I pray Avonte's mother some HAS SOME PEACE & THE COMFORT OF GOD'S ARMS AROUND HER. I'm breaking my silence, because I FEEL FOR HER AND THE FAMILY...SHE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN & NO MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TO LOSE HER CHILD THAT WAY! AND AVONTE' DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER!!! I WISH I WAS DEXTER TONIGHT, CAUSE I KNOW SOME PEDOPHILE TOOK THIS BOY & I WANT TO TAKE A FEW THINGS FROM HIM!

When You Can't Forgive The Ulitmate Betrayal...

It's a shame when someone you thought you could trust, betrays you! Most men do cheat, we know they do. But when they betray you with a "SO CALLED FRIEND" we have a problem. I've gone through this before. I was young, stupid and selfish, but even in my youth, I had sense enough not to allow the mother of this man's children to find out what was going on. She was having her own affair with a friend of mines, so I thought I was validated or pardoned for my sin. Well I wasn't and I knew it wasn't right. But I kept my "secret" affair under wraps and had no intentions on becoming pregnant!

My mother in good fashion, wouldn't be her if she didn't warn me about the perils of sleeping with an engaged man who had three children. Even if his sorry ass didn't realize he had an OBLIGATION to his fiance' and children. As bad as I "thought" I liked him, I knew we were both WRONG for betraying her; whether she was sleeping with my friend or not. My mother gave me the most sound judgment about the situation and to this day, I remember what she said. "Zanee', you know why that girl is cheating on him, because for years he's been cheating on her and she is TIRED! It's unfair to her, because he has taken away her childhood!" And at the end of the day (mommy went on to say) "It's not fair to her for you to do this!" I don't care how you try to justify your mess, it's not right and your baby WILL NEVER MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM. HE ALREADY HAS FOUR CHILDREN OF HIS OWN; BOYS AND GIRLS, WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL YOUR CHILD MAKE? At the time, I didn't have an inkling or thought of having a baby, but carelessness does take precedence over responsibility and I learned the hard way.

His reaction to the pregnancy was "I want you, but I don't want anymore children right now!" I wasn't happy, but I know one things for certain, I was embarrassed and wanted to climb under a rock. I didn't want to be pregnant and for the first time, I really thought about how that girl was going to feel if she found this mess out...I wanted an ABORTION! Now I don't believe in abortion and NEVER HAD ONE, but it was sheer humiliation and my conscience was KILLING ME! All of a sudden, I wasn't so selfish anymore.I began thinking more of her feelings and the fact I did know her on a casual level. We'd had conversations, grew up together, knew the same people and shared a few laughs here and there. So I was more than DEAD WRONG and I KNEW IT!

I fought with termination, but knew I couldn't pull it off. I decided to lie about the paternity of my own child, SO NOT TO CAUSE MORE DAMAGE THAN I'D ALREADY CAUSED, especially to HER! She'd never done anything to me and THE GUILT WAS KILLING ME.  I became depressed and sullen, I worked and hid most of the time and even when the baby was born, I STILL KEPT MY MESS UNDER WRAPS!

What I'm saying is, KARMA IS A BITCH & it took seventeen years for my MESS TO HAUNT ME! I trusted my so called fiance' with his SO CALLED FAMILY FRIEND; and their phone calls, texts and conversations. He DENIED any dealings with her and I TRUSTED HIM, BELIEVED HIM, even though I was SKEPTICAL of her RATCHED ASS. During my sin, I had sense enough to DISTANCE myself from this girl. My ex's PAIN IN THE ASS, had the audacity to try and BEFRIEND me, which infuriated me to the point of DISGUST! At the end of the day, I got my just punishment and KARMA paid me a visit, his "FRIEND" now has HIS KID! 

So do I believe in that "FRIENDSHIP" mess between men and women? NOPE! Because one of them ALWAYS likes the other person or is in LOVE with them in some way. I have many male friends, but I keep them at bay, because I feel it is disrespectful to entertain extra mess on the side! I don't think things will ever be the same between us and I've learned so much from this experience. I hurt so many people and I am so full of anger, because I TRUSTED SOMEONE WHO CLAIMED HIS FRIEND WAS JUST "A FRIEND!" Now our bond has been BROKEN, I DON'T TRUST HIM AND I AM READY TO GO. I can tell you this, I WILL NEVER TRUST THAT FRIENDSHIP CRAP AGAIN & I'M GLAD I TRUSTED MY GUTT WHEN IT CAME TO HER! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DELTA SIGMA THETA INC.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DELTA SIGMA INCORPORATED!!!!

Many years ago, I dreamed of pledging Delta Sigma Theta. But I was too busy running the streets like the "WILD CHILD" I still am at 43. I'd dropped out of high school, began a career doing hair and was attracted to the street life of hustlers and drug dealers. Now don't get it twisted, I was extremely intelligent, but HYSTERICALLY BLIND! I was 18 and too "SMART" for my own good; I didn't realize fast money is just what it is...fast. The real truth of my screwing up in school, will appall you.  My dream of college was shattered in high school, when my mother told me I couldn't go away to college. After that I gave up, became discouraged and felt defeated. I knew there was something out there bigger than Far Rockaway, larger than Queens. I wanted to see the world and do something with my life, but my mother (unknowingly) clipped my wings; she didn't trust me and her fear of teenage pregnancy controlled the decisions she made concerning me. Once I realized I couldn't go away to school, I began to think what's the use? So, I began classes and indulging in deviant behavior. My behavior was so bad, I only went to two classes English and Biology, spent about four out of six periods in the lunchroom and fought all the time. Looking back, I don't fault my mom, I believe she had her own issues to deal with, was trying to protect me and didn't have time for mines.

Those years were the worst for me. I constantly stayed in trouble, lived in the Dean's office and my Guidance Counselor became my bestfriend. I WAS A JUVENILE DELINQUENT! Despite being a menace, I loved to read and loved Biology. I'd get grades of 98 in English, passed the Biology Regents with an 86, and wouldn't you know; I was even accepted into the Health Careers program at my school. Back then, you could graduate as a Licensed Practical Nurse! Some how, I managed to blow that too. You'd think those positive attributes would serve as a motivation, but I eventually was expelled for fighting and that ended every desire for school. The district enrolled me at another school, but I'd gotten there and didn't do much either.

The chain of events in my life changed me forever. In one year; I lost the only person who I felt loved me in this world, my grandmother, finally met my biological father and two of my siblings and fell in love for the first time. I was excited to have met my father and siblings, who lived in Brooklyn and I thought I had an ally in my sister who was a year younger than me. We went through our teenage years together and it was time for my sister to go away to college. I was so happy and excited for her and as off the chain as I was I encouraged her to PLEDGE DELTA the FIRST CHANCE SHE GOT! You see, my step mom was liberal in her thinking and she allowed my sister the privilege of TRUST.  In retrospect...I don't think Mommy trusted me much, I guess I hadn't given her a reason to. But I encouraged my sister to PLEDGE DELTA;
 I saw she had a chance for opportunity in her life, that I didn't have. My sister did PLEDGE DELTA and I eventually got myself together applying to the College of New Rochelle's School of New Resources in Harlem.

I never thought I'd ever get my life together I did, but I was STILL BLIND and attracted to the street life. My first chance to pledge, when Fordham University had a line in January 1997. I was supposed to join, and cross over into my DREAM. Before the line, I'd met many of my sister's wonderful Sorors. These women were intelligent and admirable. I felt so HONORED to be SURROUNDED by so many SUCCESSFUL EDUCATED WOMEN! They were supportive of each other and it definitely was a SISTERHOOD. They embraced me, and I enjoyed attending every function. They embody all the beliefs I had as a HUMANITARIAN. Feeding the homeless, and providing the community with social support. I never did pledge, but my sister's chapter did give me the opportunity. My sister gave me the book In Search of The Sisterhood to read about the history of Delta Sigma Theta Inc. I read it, but I still didn't pledge.

I never did pledge; but I love them the same and I guess I just felt "OUT OF PLACE" & allowed other people and life situations to "HINDER" me from pledging. I think I STOOD IN MY OWN WAY & regret it today. Maybe one day, I will pledge...my brother always says "It's NEVER TOO LATE TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE!" I think he's right and with that I AM STILL INTERESTED IN BEING APART OF SUCH GREAT ORGANIZATION...HAPPY BIRTHDAY D.S.T.!

 



On The Look Out...Spring 2014 Gigi Python Embossed Python Clutch

Fashion comes in many names, shapes and PRICES; meaning, I'm really not a label whore. I didn't say I didn't like the "finer things, I'm just a little practical in my purchasing choices. It's not about the labels you wear, but how you wear them. Yes, I love Hermes, Louie, Mark Cross, Gucci, Tory, Fendi and Vintage Chanel. But every now and then; I like to spot light unrecognized designers with just as much, (if not more) talent than Michael Kors!  Women are so caught up in "mainstream" name brands, we refuse to have identity or style of our own. We are afraid to emerge from the shadows as trendsetters and that's what being a true Fashionista is being a "TRENDSETTER" and possessing a style all "YOURS!" You own the style, the style doesn't own you! So nah, I'm not a label whore, but I do love labels.

So on display is this Gigi Embossed Python Magenta Clutch and it is HAUTE! A Good look for Spring 2014 and the price is right too. Who can go bad at $130? I know I won't, because I can still think of what to do with the other $500 I might need for a bill. Happy shopping Babies!!!

I soooo want these Pajar boots!!!

Pajar Women's Fox Trot Boot (see more fox boots)

 

 

I've had my share of Uggs...about eight pairs and counting. For about three years I kept promising myself I'd finally purchase a pair of Muk Luks, unfortunately I haven't gotten around to it yet. Last year , my girl Barbara had on a pair of these and I fell hopelessly in LUST! You can bet your bottom dollar ya girl will be purchasing these babies REAL SOON.

See You At The Crossroads

Lately or should I say for the last eight years of my life, I've been at The Crossroads and I am afraid to leave. Picture yourself standing in the middle of a split dirt road wondering if you should go right or left!

For some people it is so easy to make life choices, it has NEVER been that way for me. I've always been indecisive about so many things; from choosing a career I love to the men I have relationships with. Being I've never been a serial dater, I have a tendency to date one man at a time; I guess it was because I was raised as a "church girl!"



The way I was brought up, was old fashioned and some what primitive. I'm not saying it was all wrong, but times have changed and I wish my thought process was different. Our doctrine was; men worked, were the providers and women stayed home and raised the family. At the time, I thought that was the way things should be. Not just because the pastor said so, but let's be real; back in the days our men, no matter what the race took care of our families. Women didn't have to worry about buying a house to live in, a car to drive or putting food on the table...it was just done!

So I grew up with this misconception about love, life and men! I realize I'd been living a fairytale most of my life. I longed for someone to grow old with, a childhood or high school sweet heart, like most women I knew had back then. I just knew if I remained "A GOOD GIRL" that God would send me a man that "APPRECIATED" my "VIRTUOUS TENDENCIES!" That turned out to be the biggest disappointment of my life. I was waiting for a resolution that would never come. I was waiting for "The UNDYING LOVE, His Proposal, My Mother's Joy, The Bridal Shower, The Dress, The Wedding, The Reception and The Honeymoon! I felt I was worth it all because I wasn't promiscuous and loose. I was a house girl, I cooked, I cleaned, I washed and was a modern day Florence from the Jefferson. My dream was to have my husband buy me my first home, I didn't think it was appropriate for me as a woman to do that; I couldn't have been more wrong. I looked forward to the day we went "house hunting" and after a day of looking at many houses in and out of our budget, I'd see one I really wanted and my husband would say, "that's a bit much, I don't think so!" Of course, I'd be disappointed and we'd go home. I'd probably call my mom and complain, only to hear her say; You need to be GRATEFUL, I lived in this apartment the great part of my life and this man is buying you a house? You better Shut up!" That's my Moms, in good fashion...shutting you down when you don't realize God's Blessings in your life! After listening to her logic, I'd change my thought process and think of the possibilities of a house we probably agreed on. Only for a Saturday morning breakfast at IHOP or dinner at a really nice restaurant and my husband saying "I need to show you something!" We're just driving and driving toward the place where I saw the house I wanted, but not what we agreed upon. All of a sudden, he's turning into the driveway of the house using the excuse the realtor is meeting him there so we can sign the papers for the other house. By now, 've stopped sulking and am just happy to be FINALLY LIVING IN A HOUSE! We get out of the car, because my husband claims the realtor has papers for us to sign. Instead, we walk up to the front door and he pushes the key into the lock and we walk right in! I look puzzled, "where's the realtor? Oh, my husband say...he'll be here in a minute. Meanwhile, sign these papers! Now I'm a lil upset, why do I have to sign papers in the house I wanted, but can't get!!! I see a pen on the counter with the papers, I sign uninterested and my husband hands me the keys, "Welcome to your new house!" I loose it at that point...HE CAME THROUGH FOR ME! I thank him PROFUSELY and the first thing I want to do is CALL MOMMY, GO GET HER AND BRING HER HERE! "I gotta go...I have to go get MOMMY!" Fast forward twenty plus years. The story is different and I don't care to share the disappointment. I will say, I wish I bought my own house! I am 43 years old and still living in an apartment. Life is funny, I don't know what's ahead, but for you young women out there, find your OWN WAY...BUY YOUR OWN HOUSE! DON'T WAIT FOR A MAN TO DO IT FOR YOU, YOU MIGHT STILL BE WAITING AT THE CROSSROADS FOR MANY THINGS. WHAT IS YOUR CROSSROAD?