The Simplicity of Life...

I never asked for much, but I did want the things in life most women want; a husband, a family...but most of all A HOUSE! Well I got the husband, the wrong way, one I NEVER LOVED and it was destined to fail and it did. I have a family, but not the traditional family I was looking for. The house is another story...the jury's out on that one, because I'm still alive and want to believe if I pray hard enough, God might give me one.

It's not looking too great home the love front and that's fine with me. Maybe because I'm older and wiser, I wish I could have a house on my own and no I do not want to leave New York just to own a house. So I guess, I'll be staying here. I'm not a fan of the south at all, the only place I'd want to live is in Los Angeles. I have no desire to deal with inadvertent racism, I LOVE NEW YORK TOO MUCH!

When Lucas and I first met, I shared dreams of moving out to Long Island. I wanted my children to have a better life. There are places in Queens, I love as well and wouldn't mind living in Cambria Heights or Laurelton. But for now, I'll just keep quiet. The other day he had the nerve to say " I want to buy you a house!" my response was very curt " Nah, No Thank you...I don't want any ties to you and we're done!" Then it hit me, I guess that's what God means when he says obedience is better than sacrifice. Lucas thinks gifts can pass for a love that's REAL and TRUE! He thought by promising me things, I'd stay around...hopeful. He bought an engagement ring, after being together for ten years, that was enough...it wasn't. This is true because he never intended for us to marry and as my Mother used say "A ring ain't nothing but a license to lay up!" She was right, because two years after "the ill-fated engagement" he brings a new life into the world, with a girl I think he really needs to consider marrying.

My take on life is different these days. I can't bargain with God about anything else anymore...he didn't listen or maybe I didn't. But whatever the case, I just want to raise my last two children in a house, even if it's by myself-so I can be alone, HAPPY and CREATE SOME WONDERFUL MEMORIES and a LEGACY LIKE ALL THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY HAVE DONE!