Anita Baker - Caught Up In The Rapture (VH1 Classic Music Video)

How Can I Keep Calm And Follow My Blogging Dreams!!!

 

I am a writer and I LOVE TO WRITE. I don't proclaim to be an English scholar nor am I able to write the great American novel. But I do love to write and express myself. I tend to say what ever comes to mind which often gets me in a ish load of trouble; I call it "Tourette's Syndrome"' of the mouth. One thing about me though; is I am no liar, I am honest, won't sugar coat anything and never saw the need for DISHONESTY!

I am good at telling the truth and forcing others to face their OWN truths; but I've never been able to face my OWN truths. I always pretended to have all the answers for everyone else, but none for myself. The truth is I was lost and had absolutely no direction for my own life and was confused about where I was going.

In school we had no real exposure about what career paths to embark on or to take. If you weren't  encouraged to become a nurse or a teacher, there seemed to be no encouragement in pursuing any  career at all. So I spent my life wearing a variety of hats; from a hairstylist, to becoming teacher and Dean at a high school, and lastly an HRA caseworker. Urgggh, and the list goes on. But in all true honesty, I WAS NEVER HAPPY! My heart was in every place but, my "jobs!" Notice I didn't say career, because there is a distinct difference. The one thing I have always been good at was accompanying my friends and family on shopping excursions. I was the "go to" girl when it came down to what to wear or what new style was trending. I had talent and didn't even know it. Because no one was there to encourage, inspire or cultivate the drive in me. There was even a time I could "predict" what style would be on the "comeback" and I still can!

My first experience with being a "stylist" was when I accompanied my (then best friend) Leslie to Jamaica Avenue to Tick Tock for a back to school wardrobe. Leslie and I had met during my transfer from Far Rockaway High School to Beach Channel. Although we ran in different circles, we met through mutual a friend; named Eric. Leslie spent a lot of time hanging out with the Puerto Rican Clique. They wore leggings, oversized sized socks and clunky Reeboks'. Green and pink lipsticks with other gaudy colors, not to mention oversized faux oversized Benetton sweaters. The Jheri curls and sneakers did nothing for my new found friend. Not meant offensively, but there was a distinction between the way Black girls dressed and the way Puerto Rican girls dressed. I am in no way discrediting my Latina sisters, but they weren't really into fashion the way African American girls were.

I was the new girl in town & I was known for my style of dress. Religious reasons prohibited me from wearing pants, but believe me I was cleaner than the board of health. Silk blouses, leather suits, Coca Cola sweaters, Benetton, a menagerie of leather jackets in many colors, suede shoes to match my suede fronts along with sheepskin coats and hats. My hair was always hooked, neatly coiffed and styled to perfection. I NEVER LEFT MY HOUSE WITH A HAIR OUT OF PLACE. The scent of perfume reached my destination before I got there.

I loved clothes and had passion for fashion. In my young teenage world, looking good meant a lot. I owned a style that was all mine. Displaying an eclectic mix of class and modernism. Because of that, I was a mini FASHIONISTA at sixteen years old. I read the "BIBLES" of fashion; from Essence, Vogue, Elle, Vanity Fair to Cosmopolitan and Ebony. I LIVED in the KNOW! I knew who Adrienne Vitadini was and knew Donna Karan had a section in Macy's during the eighties, that was empty. Because Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger RULED! Donna who? No disrespect, I LOVE HER as a designer and now a philanthropist bringing about world change. But yes, I was that young girl, who admired the skin of the world's (then) most BEAUTIFUL models. It was because of them, that I began to take extra care of my skin. I too, wanted FLAWLESS, PORCLEIN SKIN! This is the one thing, models do posses, is BEAUTIFUL SKIN even WITHOUT TONS OF MAKE UP & I OBSESSED MYSELF WITH ACQUIRING THAT! 

 So that summer when Leslie asked me to go shopping with her, I felt honored

 and never thought in a million years women and men would be paid and lucrative paid to dress the stars.

During the nineties, I was livid when I realized Misa Hylton styled Jodeci and many other entertainment acts and was paid for it. I LOVE & ADMIRE HER; but felt disappointed because what she was doing, I didn't know I was doing, but she WAS PAID for doing it! Years went by and I resigned my life to working a nine to five job. Graduated from college, began applying to numerous grad programs, but was still LOST and UNHAPPY! I had no idea how to break into the industry and become a stylist. With a disgruntled and heavy heart, I became everything but what I wanted to become...a STYLIST! Work became work for and all I did was follow the lives of people in the beauty and fashion industries. By the time Y2K rolled around, women began blogging about everything I had interests in: clothing, fashion trends, designers, models, any and everything beauty or fashion related. All of a sudden, I was OBSESSED; but STILL had no idea of what path to follow or take. I was creative and wanted desperately to change my life and FOLLOW MY PASSION.

Right now, I am under reconstruction! I'm in the process of REBUILDING, RESTRUCTURING AND CREATING A NEW BRAND OF ME! I have no idea where to go or what to do...but I am so TIRED of BEING HAPPY FOR OTHERS & NOT MYSELF! THE TEARS I CRY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE COURAGE TO BUILD AND FUFILL THEIR DREAMS, BUILD THEIR BRAND AND ESTABLISH CAREERS...ARE GENUINE & I WANT TO FULFULL MY DREAMS TOO! AND IF GOD WILLS IT...I'M GOING TO CLAIM IT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT WORK TO FEEL LIKE WORK ANYMORE!

 

 

 

When It's Real!

It's no secret:" I LOVE JIMMY and CHRISSY!" I love what they have and it's REAL!!! When you have a love as GENUINE as theirs, you've been BLESSED BY GOD! People talk, society talks and family DEFINITELY talk, but they haven't allowed people to taint their LOVE. Some of the biggest distractions in the world have enveloped them in a whirlwind of controversy, but they still stand. Mama Jones has been the biggest distraction to date, but they still STAND!
I can't say the same for myself and I've been trying with all my might to explain this to Lucas, but he has no idea what LOYALTY, HONESTY and TRUE LOVE MEANS. I'm not even talking about his debacle with infidelity, we are on a whole other level with this. If a man doesn't have enough RESPECT to formally introduce you to his family, put them in "check" when they get out of line...then it's time to move on.
If his friends have the audacity to influence his feelings for you, to the point where he HIDES his feelings or DOWN PLAYS your significance in his life...run like the wind. When you meet a man who feels compelled to keep female companions who (he knows) has a romantic interest in him and  you express the suspicion of her feelings; yet he STILL KEEPS HER COMPANY...leave dude alone. Even if you're like me; a girl who is quite SECURE in herself and has no time to entertain some broad who wants to pretend to be "BESTIES" with no feelings for a man. Yeah, Ok...we all know how that can play out at the end of the day. Most guys I've been "cool" with, have a crush. So when I get the slightest inkling of this, I quickly EXTINGUISH ANY HOPES OF A RELATIONSHIP! Either you're my friend or you're NOTHING and if you can't deal with that...PEACE! I detest guys who sit around like a hungry dog waiting for a RESOLUTION that will NEVER come. If I didn't like you back in the day, NOTHING will make me like you now...SORRY!
I've tried relentlessly to explain this concept to Lucas, it fell on deaf ears. But everything in this life is a learning experience. Next time I won't be so careless when it comes to women calling or texting my new man.  See, I'm not the JEALOUS type, it just doesn't work for me; it's a wasted emotion and shows INSECURITY! But when you are fair, and this "friend" not only contacts him on the regular, but tries to befriend you as his woman, we have an issue.
Men pursue me CONSTANTLY, but I ALWAYS keep them at arms length. I will not allow you to DISRESPECT ME OR MINES, even though this is a mess.
We need to know what RESPECT and TRUE LOVE is...also when folks are out of line. But as the world turns people NEVER seem to learn their LESSON. Although, I have experienced ALL OF THE ABOVE...I WILL NEVER STOP BELIEVING THERE ARE MEN WHO KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS AND WHO AREN'T AFRAID TO SHOW IT!



Justice for Our Children...Where's the real PROTECTION?

When Avonte first went missing, I looked at Lucas and he looked at me; searching my face for the answer of what I thought. Every time a child gets "missing" I'm not too confident about it.  If the child is not found during the first twenty four hours, chances are slim and grim!
Which was my reasoning for being OVER OVER PROTECTIVE of my children. I gave my daughter fifteen minutes to get home from school and if she didn't, it was CURTAINS for her. Why? Because, I know I'm not playing with a FULL DECK, MY ELEVATOR DOESN'T MAKE IT UP TO THE TOP, THE MALL IS OPEN, BUT NO ONE IS SHOPPING INSIDE & I'M JUST PLAIN CRAZY AS HELL WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO MY FAMILY OR PEOPLE I LOVE!
I RESPECT THE STRENGTH of CALM WOMEN like Avonte' & Trayvon's mothers; because I AM NOTHING LIKE THEM and I have a LIST OF FOLKS I'D LIKE TO PERCH UP ON A BUILDING AS A SNIPER FOR AND I MEAN THAT! A whole lot of folks are ALIVE because I'm AFRAID TO GO TO HELL WHEN I DIE!!! But I'm not that afraid when it comes down to children. Somebody took this BOY and I am REALLY HOT ABOUT IT! I'm going to STOP TALKING NOW, because what I have on my mind...GOD FORGIVES, BUT I DON'T, SO LORD FORGIVE ME!
I pray Avonte's mother some HAS SOME PEACE & THE COMFORT OF GOD'S ARMS AROUND HER. I'm breaking my silence, because I FEEL FOR HER AND THE FAMILY...SHE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN & NO MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TO LOSE HER CHILD THAT WAY! AND AVONTE' DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER!!! I WISH I WAS DEXTER TONIGHT, CAUSE I KNOW SOME PEDOPHILE TOOK THIS BOY & I WANT TO TAKE A FEW THINGS FROM HIM!

When You Can't Forgive The Ulitmate Betrayal...

It's a shame when someone you thought you could trust, betrays you! Most men do cheat, we know they do. But when they betray you with a "SO CALLED FRIEND" we have a problem. I've gone through this before. I was young, stupid and selfish, but even in my youth, I had sense enough not to allow the mother of this man's children to find out what was going on. She was having her own affair with a friend of mines, so I thought I was validated or pardoned for my sin. Well I wasn't and I knew it wasn't right. But I kept my "secret" affair under wraps and had no intentions on becoming pregnant!

My mother in good fashion, wouldn't be her if she didn't warn me about the perils of sleeping with an engaged man who had three children. Even if his sorry ass didn't realize he had an OBLIGATION to his fiance' and children. As bad as I "thought" I liked him, I knew we were both WRONG for betraying her; whether she was sleeping with my friend or not. My mother gave me the most sound judgment about the situation and to this day, I remember what she said. "Zanee', you know why that girl is cheating on him, because for years he's been cheating on her and she is TIRED! It's unfair to her, because he has taken away her childhood!" And at the end of the day (mommy went on to say) "It's not fair to her for you to do this!" I don't care how you try to justify your mess, it's not right and your baby WILL NEVER MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM. HE ALREADY HAS FOUR CHILDREN OF HIS OWN; BOYS AND GIRLS, WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL YOUR CHILD MAKE? At the time, I didn't have an inkling or thought of having a baby, but carelessness does take precedence over responsibility and I learned the hard way.

His reaction to the pregnancy was "I want you, but I don't want anymore children right now!" I wasn't happy, but I know one things for certain, I was embarrassed and wanted to climb under a rock. I didn't want to be pregnant and for the first time, I really thought about how that girl was going to feel if she found this mess out...I wanted an ABORTION! Now I don't believe in abortion and NEVER HAD ONE, but it was sheer humiliation and my conscience was KILLING ME! All of a sudden, I wasn't so selfish anymore.I began thinking more of her feelings and the fact I did know her on a casual level. We'd had conversations, grew up together, knew the same people and shared a few laughs here and there. So I was more than DEAD WRONG and I KNEW IT!

I fought with termination, but knew I couldn't pull it off. I decided to lie about the paternity of my own child, SO NOT TO CAUSE MORE DAMAGE THAN I'D ALREADY CAUSED, especially to HER! She'd never done anything to me and THE GUILT WAS KILLING ME.  I became depressed and sullen, I worked and hid most of the time and even when the baby was born, I STILL KEPT MY MESS UNDER WRAPS!

What I'm saying is, KARMA IS A BITCH & it took seventeen years for my MESS TO HAUNT ME! I trusted my so called fiance' with his SO CALLED FAMILY FRIEND; and their phone calls, texts and conversations. He DENIED any dealings with her and I TRUSTED HIM, BELIEVED HIM, even though I was SKEPTICAL of her RATCHED ASS. During my sin, I had sense enough to DISTANCE myself from this girl. My ex's PAIN IN THE ASS, had the audacity to try and BEFRIEND me, which infuriated me to the point of DISGUST! At the end of the day, I got my just punishment and KARMA paid me a visit, his "FRIEND" now has HIS KID! 

So do I believe in that "FRIENDSHIP" mess between men and women? NOPE! Because one of them ALWAYS likes the other person or is in LOVE with them in some way. I have many male friends, but I keep them at bay, because I feel it is disrespectful to entertain extra mess on the side! I don't think things will ever be the same between us and I've learned so much from this experience. I hurt so many people and I am so full of anger, because I TRUSTED SOMEONE WHO CLAIMED HIS FRIEND WAS JUST "A FRIEND!" Now our bond has been BROKEN, I DON'T TRUST HIM AND I AM READY TO GO. I can tell you this, I WILL NEVER TRUST THAT FRIENDSHIP CRAP AGAIN & I'M GLAD I TRUSTED MY GUTT WHEN IT CAME TO HER! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DELTA SIGMA THETA INC.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DELTA SIGMA INCORPORATED!!!!

Many years ago, I dreamed of pledging Delta Sigma Theta. But I was too busy running the streets like the "WILD CHILD" I still am at 43. I'd dropped out of high school, began a career doing hair and was attracted to the street life of hustlers and drug dealers. Now don't get it twisted, I was extremely intelligent, but HYSTERICALLY BLIND! I was 18 and too "SMART" for my own good; I didn't realize fast money is just what it is...fast. The real truth of my screwing up in school, will appall you.  My dream of college was shattered in high school, when my mother told me I couldn't go away to college. After that I gave up, became discouraged and felt defeated. I knew there was something out there bigger than Far Rockaway, larger than Queens. I wanted to see the world and do something with my life, but my mother (unknowingly) clipped my wings; she didn't trust me and her fear of teenage pregnancy controlled the decisions she made concerning me. Once I realized I couldn't go away to school, I began to think what's the use? So, I began classes and indulging in deviant behavior. My behavior was so bad, I only went to two classes English and Biology, spent about four out of six periods in the lunchroom and fought all the time. Looking back, I don't fault my mom, I believe she had her own issues to deal with, was trying to protect me and didn't have time for mines.

Those years were the worst for me. I constantly stayed in trouble, lived in the Dean's office and my Guidance Counselor became my bestfriend. I WAS A JUVENILE DELINQUENT! Despite being a menace, I loved to read and loved Biology. I'd get grades of 98 in English, passed the Biology Regents with an 86, and wouldn't you know; I was even accepted into the Health Careers program at my school. Back then, you could graduate as a Licensed Practical Nurse! Some how, I managed to blow that too. You'd think those positive attributes would serve as a motivation, but I eventually was expelled for fighting and that ended every desire for school. The district enrolled me at another school, but I'd gotten there and didn't do much either.

The chain of events in my life changed me forever. In one year; I lost the only person who I felt loved me in this world, my grandmother, finally met my biological father and two of my siblings and fell in love for the first time. I was excited to have met my father and siblings, who lived in Brooklyn and I thought I had an ally in my sister who was a year younger than me. We went through our teenage years together and it was time for my sister to go away to college. I was so happy and excited for her and as off the chain as I was I encouraged her to PLEDGE DELTA the FIRST CHANCE SHE GOT! You see, my step mom was liberal in her thinking and she allowed my sister the privilege of TRUST.  In retrospect...I don't think Mommy trusted me much, I guess I hadn't given her a reason to. But I encouraged my sister to PLEDGE DELTA;
 I saw she had a chance for opportunity in her life, that I didn't have. My sister did PLEDGE DELTA and I eventually got myself together applying to the College of New Rochelle's School of New Resources in Harlem.

I never thought I'd ever get my life together I did, but I was STILL BLIND and attracted to the street life. My first chance to pledge, when Fordham University had a line in January 1997. I was supposed to join, and cross over into my DREAM. Before the line, I'd met many of my sister's wonderful Sorors. These women were intelligent and admirable. I felt so HONORED to be SURROUNDED by so many SUCCESSFUL EDUCATED WOMEN! They were supportive of each other and it definitely was a SISTERHOOD. They embraced me, and I enjoyed attending every function. They embody all the beliefs I had as a HUMANITARIAN. Feeding the homeless, and providing the community with social support. I never did pledge, but my sister's chapter did give me the opportunity. My sister gave me the book In Search of The Sisterhood to read about the history of Delta Sigma Theta Inc. I read it, but I still didn't pledge.

I never did pledge; but I love them the same and I guess I just felt "OUT OF PLACE" & allowed other people and life situations to "HINDER" me from pledging. I think I STOOD IN MY OWN WAY & regret it today. Maybe one day, I will pledge...my brother always says "It's NEVER TOO LATE TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE!" I think he's right and with that I AM STILL INTERESTED IN BEING APART OF SUCH GREAT ORGANIZATION...HAPPY BIRTHDAY D.S.T.!

 



On The Look Out...Spring 2014 Gigi Python Embossed Python Clutch

Fashion comes in many names, shapes and PRICES; meaning, I'm really not a label whore. I didn't say I didn't like the "finer things, I'm just a little practical in my purchasing choices. It's not about the labels you wear, but how you wear them. Yes, I love Hermes, Louie, Mark Cross, Gucci, Tory, Fendi and Vintage Chanel. But every now and then; I like to spot light unrecognized designers with just as much, (if not more) talent than Michael Kors!  Women are so caught up in "mainstream" name brands, we refuse to have identity or style of our own. We are afraid to emerge from the shadows as trendsetters and that's what being a true Fashionista is being a "TRENDSETTER" and possessing a style all "YOURS!" You own the style, the style doesn't own you! So nah, I'm not a label whore, but I do love labels.

So on display is this Gigi Embossed Python Magenta Clutch and it is HAUTE! A Good look for Spring 2014 and the price is right too. Who can go bad at $130? I know I won't, because I can still think of what to do with the other $500 I might need for a bill. Happy shopping Babies!!!