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Saturday, August 16, 2014

Feeling Safe....


The last time I felt a sense of safety was when I was married to my first husband. I was twenty-one and fearless because he was fearless!
Despite all the things we'd gone through one thing about my ex-husband was I ALWAYS FELT SAFE WITH HIM! He could be mean as SNAKE and kept the "HEAT" close. I never had to worry about anything whenever we were together, he had my back and I had his. We got together for all the wrong reasons, but one thing I could say about him, NOBODY CAME BEFORE ME! No broad, no chick, NOBODY! He made sure I was respected by everyone, even if we fought like cats and dogs, he didn't tolerate anyone else pissing me off, only he could do that. This man had two of the most handsome sons and I adored them and their Mom. Although she and I never really spoke, she was really a nice person and FABULOUS AS HELL!
Yet, even he made sure she respected me and I respected her. His first love and I knew each other well and she called the house whenever she wanted to...we all RESPECTED EACH OTHER and I was close with their families: both of the women in his life, who came before me.
Above all, I felt safe when I was with him. If I cried, it mattered. We'd sit and talk for hours about any and everything, nothing was off limits. I could confide in this man (only twenty four at the time) about my deepest darkest fears. Now that's what a man ought to provide for you, to be able sit and talk for hours. With my ex-husband it was if we needed each other, it was our therapy. He really protected me. If he saw something or felt someone did me wrong...he spoke on it, questioning everything. He always looked out for me in retrospect, he was jealous, but protective and guarded me with his life. Even if there were other women, I never knew it, unless it were by accident. He was a lot of things, but he protected my feelings and I appreciated the fact I didn't have to feel threatened if he went to see his sons or if his first love called my house. Without question, I NEVER FELT THREATENED in our relationship and when it was over...it was because I LEFT HIM. Not over infidelity and there was no mistaking his DEDICATION to me as his wife. Did he cheat? Probably, did I know...NEVER! And again let me say, he was too busy protecting me and my feelings to allow any dirt he was doing to be found out. On the strength of that, I know I will always RESPECT him.
In my life, I can only think of three men I felt "SAFE" around, I am not naming them out of respect and the fact the internet is a piece of work. But one of them was much older than me and the man I almost married and he was from Jamaica islands. The second was my ex-husband, the last person was a man I met through a friend in 1999 and that's all...til' this year!
Men really need to realize, a woman needs to feel safe around you and if she doesn't what's the point in even being dedicated to the relationship? Women want a man who makes them feel SAFE and SECURE, not a little bumbling ass fool who doesn't have the balls to stand up to people and PROFESS his LOVE for you. Not one who doesn't have the sense to be honest about WHERE HIS HEART STANDS AND WHY!
I pray for that safeness again. You can only pray for that dedication from a man and believe God will grant it. There are some guys you know from your initial meeting whether he's a protector or a clown. I can't speak for others, I can only speak for myself when I say I'm getting a familiar feeling of "SAFETY and SECURITY" let's just see if I'm right!
For the first time in thirteen years I feel like I'm going to be alright and I'm just excited about the possibility of what is going to be!
 
 

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