This weekend, I had enough time to sit and think. And for the first time in a long time instead of complaining, I began counting my blessings! In the midst of all the wrong, I couldn't help but find what's right in my life. First, I had to thank God for the serenity and peace of being at home along for fourth of July weekend. I woke up to what life was like in 2002...QUIETNESS! Even though I had two children, they usually were upstairs with Mommy or quietly watching television.
These two I have now, are NOISY as all get out and I don't possess the patience I had thirteen years ago. I absolutely HATE NOISY KIDS! I'm so sorry, I DON'T DO NOISE WELL AT ALL! So this holiday was a true blessing and I was at peace with my thoughts, sleep and God. I had to THANK THE LORD FOR A QUIET PLACE. It felt so good to wake up and leisurely shower, brush my teeth, get dressed and hit Mc Donald's for my cup of early morning Joe. I didn't have to fix breakfast, make sure teeth and faces were up to par or iron clothes, just in case I had to go out. It was just me...SELFISH LIL OL' ME and I was so HAPPY! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but I was too old, had gone through too much and was too tired to start all over again raising kids. So I have my moments where I wish I just had the two older ones, they took care of themselves after awhile.
One night, I sat on the phone with my friend til four o'clock in the morning. We talked as I cleaned out my kids clothes drawers. I consider him my gossip partner...we talk about EVERYTHING! After we hung up, I took a shower and hit the couch. By that time, the sun was on the horizon and I fell asleep! It was a beautiful weekend. The kids were with their Dad and his folks at the reunion, and I had such a PEACE these last couple days. By Sunday it hit me as I washed my dishes, that I really have a lot to be thankful for. And as I stood at the kitchen sink, I began to THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING I COULD THINK OF! Despite all that's transpired in my life these last couple of years, I am forty three years old and look like a youngsta! I'm not sick, nor do I suffer with many of the ailments most women my age suffer with.
As stressed out as I get, I THANK GOD FOR TAKING CARE OF ME! I have a roof over my head, the Lord opens doors for me, when I least expect it. I have food in my house, my bills managed to be paid and I am not walking, unless I have to! I have clothes to wear, shoes on my feet and I LOOK GOOD! I don't need to drink, get high, smoke or run around acting a CORN ASS FOOL to make myself happy. I can sit in my house and just enjoy the solitude of quietness and PEACE! I'm sorry, but I was SO glad to be alone for the first time in a while. This holiday weekend made me realize (even more) what's important and what's not! It was confirmation for me that I really want to be alone for a while, so I can find myself again. Take some Yoga classes and just rearrange my entire life style. Eat even better than I'm eating, finally begin to meditate and just rid my life of toxic people and their NEGATIVE ENERGY!
At the end of the day, I don't need to sit at a barbecue when I'd rather be at home sleeping, writing or reading a book. I've become my Mother in so many ways. I don't like the drama affiliated with people. I made some potato salad for my friend and dropped it off to her, went to see my Aunt from Virginia in West Hempstead and came home to a hot shower and some sleep. It's not that I don't like barbecues or anything, I just feel so different about people. Lately, I've become guarded and hesitant to formulate friendships or even deal with my family or friends. I just need to get my life, I ain't got time to worry about any one else. Sometimes I wish I were a rich recluse. I'd disappear into the world of travel, never staying in one place too long. Leaving thousand dollar tips for struggling waitresses and wishing them well! Yes, I'd live the life projected in the movie "EAT, LOVE, PRAY!" I need to pray, so I can find MY WAY TO GOD! I don't like church, because people in church can be so fulla crap and I am DONE with people who call on God and do DIRT ON A REGULAR. It's a MOCKERY and I don't want be bothered.
So as I write this, I am just THANKFUL for the opportunity to realize a lot of things and PRAY for some DEFINITE CHANGES IN MY LIFE! Until then...THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE ME!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment