THE O.T.H.E.R...

 

Is it me or are women as stupid as all get out? Seriously!!! For years I've wondered what made women do some of the STUPID, ASSININE CRAP they do. The laundry list I have is amazing, but I won't go too far. First, thinking you're of some importance to a man who is not even in the least concerned about you or your well being. Yet you're so caught up in chasing his ghost, you look pathetic. If dude has had years to put you on in his life and hasn't, you need to have seat! If you have spent years being a "SECRET SCREW" you need to have a seat! If you take the time to stay in his business under the false pretense of being his "FRIEND," Ummm...you need to SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SOME WHERE! Lastly, if you insist on not RESPECTING THE GAME and TRYING TO BEFRIEND HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND, MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN OR WIFE for that matter...you already know what I'm going to say; "GO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SOMEWHERE!"

I have had the harrowing experience of encountering these types of CRAZY ASS BROADS, who THINK they are SMARTER than YOU and I think they need some serious prayer.

But you have to love their grandiose sense of high self esteem. High because, they're trying DESPERATELY to bring themselves to the LEVEL you're on! Are you kidding me?

You really want to take them and SHAKE their brains out of their head and say..."look at me and look at you, are you really that blind to think you're even remotely on my level?" Even in the dumbest STUPOR, you couldn't match wits with me...So have a seat. In fact, HAVE A STADIUM OF SEATS!

You know a chick is stupid when she has no life and has nothing left to do but focus on yours and TRY to stay in your business. What women don't realize is most men string you along for the long haul, if you want to go. They don't do closure and as long as it's not a verbal agreement or contract of sorts, they are free to come and go as they please in your life. Because men know you are going to be the revolving door and continue to let them back in, especially in marriages. If you see this man has spent YEARS with this woman...WALK AWAY and do it FAST! There is no reason to sit and pretend to be his "FRIEND," cause I'm telling he has one or two of those; he sure doesn't need you.

It is for that reason I penned this post. Some of us need to WAKE UP and realize when a man really wants you and when he don't! When he wants you, an immediate separation, break up and or divorce is done, it's not imminent...IT GETS DONE; and the woman doesn't have to PUT HIS ASS OUT IN ORDER FOR HIM TO COME BE WITH YOU and you can quote me on that one. Trust me the only reason men wind up with the T.H.O.T waiting with "BAITED BREATH" in the wings is because the GIRLFRIEND, FIANCE' WIFE or MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN hasn't given YOU the satisfaction of putting his ass out. In fact, she's SMARTER THAN YOU THINK and he knows WHAT SIDE OF THE BREAD THE BUTTER GOES ON!

So you sit your PATIENT DUMB ASS DOWN SOMEWHERE and continue to LISTEN to LIES and BULL...because the only way you're going to HAVE that man is if SHE, who you think you're smarter than PUTS HIM OUT!

INSPIRATION TO LEAVING THE LIFE OF MEDIOCRITY!!!!

 

I LOVE THESE WOMEN AND LOVE THEIR GRIND! I relate to them in many ways. They are also a terrible reminder of how I've sold myself short in this lifetime, deferring my dreams. When I think of how many God tried to deliver me out of "BABYLON," I fought to stay. Babylon being a metaphor for the "HOOD", the LIFE and the WRONG PEOPLE! I always wanted more than the average friend I had or hung around. With no disrespect to them, they never wanted more than to hang out in Far Rockaway or on JAMAICA AVENUE! Me, I loved New York City, and would end up there every chance I could. But I wasn't MOTIVATED enough to DISTANCE myself from the friends and I and make NEW ONES!

The first time God tried to rescue me from a mundane life of poverty was in 1988, when a good friend of my mothers' hired me as a Resource Librarian at Mancini-Duffy Interior Design Firm. I was seventeen years old, making over five hundred dollars a week and I felt like I was on top of the world!  

Liz, my mother's friend, was a graduate of the prestigious Pratt University in Brooklyn. Liz was a young white girl from Maine and she LOVED BLACK PEOPLE, COLLARD GREENS and most of all, SHE LOVED MY FAMILY! We welcomed her with LOVE and OPEN ARMS. I feel honored now to realize the potential Liz saw in me when I didn't see it in myself. Which has been the story of my life. I never thought much of my talents or used them. I was the only African American little girl working at a prestigious design firm full of wealthy white folks, making over twenty thousand dollars at seventeen and didn't realize I had a way out and blew it by deciding to remain STAGNANT and eventually pursue a career in doing hair. I could see if I were aspiring to be a stylist to the stars, but my goal was Jamaica Avenue...WHY?

Chances, Chances, Chances! Why did I throw my life to quicksand? Being young and stupid is my answer, without any excuses. I just ran with the wrong people from day one. While their thoughts were on clothes, Sunrise movie theatre, the next heartbreak and Jamaica Avenue; I secretly read Town and Country Magazine, went into to all the upscale stores in the city and wanted desperately to TRAVEL THE WORLD! While they discussed Corning Ware dishes, my firm had an account with Villeroy and Bach Fine Dining Ware. To them Levitz and Seaman's were furniture stores, while I knew how to organize a presentation board with high end furniture and swatches for CBS television offices, banks and those furniture giants corporate offices.

How did I fall from the path of greatness? I went from rubbing shoulders with multi million dollar exec's to doing hair on Jamaica Avenue. A sad travesty and lazy way of living. Eventually, I did attend and graduate from college, but I never distanced myself from the mediocrity of my limited minded peers. My sister went to college and I encouraged her to become a Delta, she did and is quite successful! Although we didn't see eye to eye concerning my lifestyle and choice of friends, she invited me into her "circle" of successful friends who were also Delta's. They embraced me as one of their own, right away and rooted for me to join the sisterhood of Delta Sigma Theta Inc. For years, I was at each and every function they had. When I was around them, I felt a sense of empowerment and engulfed in GREATNESS!

That was my second chance at SUCCESS. Because when you surround yourself with MOVERS and SHAKERS, you have no choice but to SUCCEED! Well let's just say, I had the opportunity to join Delta Sigma Theta in 1997, when Fordham University had a line that spring. I opted out for reasons I won't discuss, and I'll leave it at that! My sister's Sorors were the most BEAUTIFUL, TALENT AND DRIVEN WOMEN I"D EVER MET and they WELCOMED ME WITHOUT JUDGMENT OR RESERVE!

Like I said, I won't elaborate. But I'm learning, it's never too late to follow your dreams.

As I watch my new favorite show "Blood, Sweat and Heels," I realize these women are DRIVEN and their lives have PURPOSE! They've all made me decide to make some DRASTIC CHANGES in my life. I have no clue where to begin, but I am PRAYING GOD WILL LEAD THE WAY and DIRECT MY PATH! It's time to MOVE UP and OUT...AWAY FROM MEDIOCRITY and EVERYDAY PEOPLE.

I know I'm going to OFFEND many people in the QUEST TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS. I should have done this a long time ago, instead of trying to "KEEP IT REAL!" I know one thing is for sure, I wouldn't have such a long BUCKET LIST, if I had REMOVED myself from the people I called my "FRIENDS!"

Change is on the way, and I am praying to GOD he will GUIDE ME TO WHERE HE WANTS ME TO BE! Because I am TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE OF MEDIOCRITY...

WHY YOU MAD? YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE IN LIFE...NOW DEAL WITH IT!

Lately I've had enough time to do some soul searching and reflection. It's obvious I've been missing in action on here, but I wanted to search my mind for a little bit of clarity. There's nothing more ignorant than a person just rambling about nothing in Blog Land...so I just decided to wait until I had something pertinent on my mind.

Last week was Valentine's Day & gifts were given, couples got engaged and some were even married. It gave me a thought, how many of us are TRULY HAPPY IN OUR "SITUATION?" See we as women, will express our displeasure with our "SITUATION", but men will sit around looking for the first opportunity to CHEAT and be UNFAITHFUL! Women eventually move on to "GREENER PASTURES." I know I have and need to MOVE AGAIN!

To me, some men are complacent and satisfied being miserable and unhappy; married to some broad because she's the mother of his children. From experience I can tell you, it can be an unpleasant situation. It's amazing how an Ex-boyfriend or Girlfriend has time to demean, degrade and make disparaging remarks about you or your character to other people. Even more amusing is the fact they deny ever saying anything about you. Yet you have heard the same negative bashing words they've said about you (verbatim) over and over again. I have had that experience with only one of my Ex' boyfriends. Mind you he's the one who caused the demise of the relationship in the first place, by getting some girl pregnant and NEVER telling me!

He NEVER apologized for it and was just as staunch and cocky about his actions; choosing to ignore the obvious, yet maybe feeling he didn't need to explain himself to me or even apologize. Right today, he has no idea how I found out about his "secret." Instead, I get to hear about how much of a HOE I am, how FAT I had gotten and how I made the wrong choices in the men I chose in life. When confronted about this, his answers are always the same "I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU! So are telling me, people just run around making up stories and repeating the same negative mess you say and some of these people don't even know one another...but they're lying? Ok, I'm going to leave that alone!

What is it with men? Why do they choose to berate the person, they hurt? And then lie straight way to your face about it? Why do they choose TRAMPY, NASTY ASS WOMEN, who they think you know nothing about, but are VERY FAMILAR with this new LOVE in their lives; who they want to WIFE up and STILL DOG YOU? So time passes them by, everyone's living their lives and they're stuck in a  DEFUNCT and LOVELESS marriage. Tolerating every MISERABLE WAKING MOMENT OF IT! All I can say is, there is a GOD! Because while you're talking about me and my MISTAKES, you're LIVING your own...TAKE CARE OF THEM!

WANTING WHAT'S BEST FOR THE PERSON YOU LOVE, MEANS LETTING GO!

I learned this many years ago, when I was a teenager. Sometimes you just have to let someone go, especially if they don't recognize your worth or what they've got in you. I had to realize at an early age and experience an ugliness I can't describe. You know when love is the saddest? When it's unrequited and I know what it feels like! When he does love you and is too stupid or blinded by EGO to realize when he has something every friend and foe he has wants. When he is too full of himself and has NARCISSTIC ways. What's a narcissistic man? One who spends way too much time worrying about PRAISE and ADORATION from enemies, friends, family and women. Or trying to uphold an image of SUPERIOCITY! You know, everybody wants to emulate him or they're jealous of him and all he has. But he is KING and the world and everyone in HIS WORLD are PHEASANTS. The man who is always on display and "THINKS" paparazzi are the people closest to him. So he NEVER  can be himself, always FRONTIN and putting up FACADES. How he spends life like this, you'll never know...but he is a bonafide  NARCISSIST. Trying DESPARATELY to impress people he doesn't like and those who could care less. He creates an image of PERFECTION; feeling no one measures up to him or his SUCCESS. We have to brag about women, money, cars and temporary frivolous things that in the end, won't matter when he's old, sick or dead. The only person who would've cared is the one person who TRULY LOVED YOUR SELFISH ASS!

 

The girl you lied to, betrayed, cheated on, talked about (negatively) and still JUDGE to this day for having sense enough to WALK AWAY from your deceit and mess. Life is amazing and tables turn. While you sitting around MISERABLE for making the STUPIDEST DECISIONS in your life and NOT THE RIGHT ONES; YOU BLAME EVERYONE BUT YOURSELF, FOR THAT PERSON WHO WALKED AWAY! Emptiness preoccupies your head, though you are surrounded by so many people and you may have money and material things...but let's face the facts "YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE" because LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY!

Sometimes you just have to do what's best and walk...

You're Still My Man - Whitney Houston

The first time I'd ever heard this song, It was a hot summer night.  I was lying down on my bedroom floor with a Walkman stuck in my ears, listening to the Quiet Storm. I was sixteen years old and  just experiencing "True Love" for the first time and the "ROLLER COASTER RIDE" with "HIM!" I was a little distraught over something, I cant even recall, but nonetheless I was hurting over "HIM." That night a song by Whitney Houston came on; "You're Still My Man!" And from the way it began I was hooked, the words complimenting the melancholy sound and man, I was hooked. The DJ that night was Vaughn Harper or either Champagne, I can't recall. But Whitney's voice piercing through the night, took me to a place (with LOVE) I never recovered from and it was because of this song.

No need for elaboration, but I just want to say "YOUNG LOVE IS THE PUREST FORM OF LOVE!" It's not about an ORGASM or SEXUAL PROWESS...it's the moment you see each other for the first time you lock eyes, and are lost in each other's SOUL'S forever!

You both go through coming of age and growing pains. You break up to make up, loving each other one minute and hating each other the next. Holla "I don't care who he/she is seeing, yet the first time you get to SABOTAGE any suitors or prospect of that person having someone else in their lives...you  do it! Even if it means maligning or destroying their character, because you don't want any one else to have him/her!

I remember that love. And long after the two of you have split, never really giving your love a chance; you marry, have children  spending the rest of your life thinking: "WHAT IF?" Because you knew from the first time your eyes locked, you knew he or she was "THE ONE" and you just BLEW IT!

I WISH I HAD A VALENTINE'S DAY FAIRY GOD MOMMY...DON'T WE ALL?

Canary's Singing

Diamonds, Rubies and Pearls

And Then There's Coco...Chanel That Is...

Far Fetched, But Fabulous

But who wouldn't want a Birkin?

Ok, so we all know women  love to be showered with gifts, I know I do. I haven't written in a while because I've been busy trying to find myself this week. This blog is a little off the beaten path, but I am on a roll this week. I probably won't have to much to say, but I am really interested in rebirth, rebuilding, renovation and rebranding myself.
At 40 something you are so different than you were at 20 something. It's amazing how much I've grown in terms of mentality, inspiration and wishing I had followed my dreams. Not other people's dreams of who they wanted me to be or who they thought I should be.
The taste for classic timeless things, wondering what life would've been like in the fifties or sixties as a successful black woman cuz poverty wouldn't be an option for me! I am so SORRY! I think about my mind frame and how my dreams were bigger than my brain could contain or my mind could perceive. I developed a "thirst" for "THE GOOD LIFE," I just had no idea how to go about getting it. Because I grew up during a  time when black people were really limited in their thought process.
As if it were a mission in a girl's life to be "a MARRIED MAID!"
Some "Married Maids" were BLESSED and some were not!  A "BLESSED MARRIED MAID" has a husband who cherishes and appreciates her for keeping his home and raising his children. Her blessings came in the form of a home, car, trinkets and vacations; as a form of gratitude for being a good wife. Then you have the not so blessed "MARRIED MAID." She is enslaved to an ungrateful, selfish cheap ass, complaining man. One who is content living in a building or some raggedy tenement, with second hand furniture and out dated appliances. Any holiday concerning her recognition is barely if NEVER celebrated and if it is, a cheap ass card, with grocery store flowers and a helium balloon is all she'll get...maybe even some cheap ass slippers! And if  she retorts to being unhappy with her gifts, some ignorant ass person will tell her, "its' the thoughts that counts! Well, well, well, as if being a maid is enough...she has to deal with feeling like "HIRED HELP!
This is where I come in; to be the "Fairy God Mother to disenfranchised women enslaved to UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH ASS MEN AND THEIR FAMILIES. It would be my job to hear her thoughts and heartfelt feelings. And then BLESS HER with a MIRACLE. Too many women, especially African American women, deal with so much disappointment and feel unappreciated. Well this post is not off the beaten path at all. It might be the last post about relationships and love. I think I'll stick with being "The Beauty Muse!" It's better that way...

 

BROKEN DREAMS

This was once my dream, I waited with baited breath to plan the perfect wedding. I was in Love with Love ever since I was thirteen years old. I read Bride and Modern Bride magazines faithfully; had my colors picked out, the bouquet and I wanted my reception to be at The Glen Island Harbor Club up in New Rochelle!

I couldn't wait to celebrate with my Mom and family members. I waited my whole life for the "Ultimate Pink and Platinum Bridal Shower." I wanted so bad for my mother to be proud I'd found the right man for me! Because of that, I felt celibacy would help me become "in tune" with myself and what I wanted in my life. Sex is a major distraction for women and I felt, I needed time to "CLEANSE MY SOUL!" For five years I was celibate, dedicating my life to the children. Which I'd done after my son was born, because I felt God was trying to tell me something. I thought if I lived right in front of my children, God would FINALLY BLESS ME WITH A HALF WAY DECENT MAN... what a misnomer that turned out to be.

Mommy always told me I was selfish and lacked patience...I think she was right. Maybe I was doing things for the wrong reasons and with the wrong intentions. They say obedience is better than sacrifice, so I guess my sacrifices weren't enough. I guess being a good mother is not enough, working hard was not enough, keeping my children in private school wasn't enough, never taking a vacation was never enough, keeping my children clothed and fed could never be enough...would never be enough! Seeing later, my children betrayed me; I should've lived my own life, partied more, enjoyed myself more and not had any children at all.

For all the wrong reasons, I married at twenty one and was back home in no time. During the years my daughter was small, I managed to obtain my Bachelor's Degree and secure my first( post college education) job.  In the end I had a degree, and two small children to go along with the my new struggle. I decided after the second child, it was time to take inventory of my life and what it was.

After five years, I was bored out of my mind... I met Lucas. Why? I don't need to go into the details of him being a glorified "BOYFRIEND" that just won't do. He was fortunate enough to come into my life at a time, when I was DESPERATE and longing for LOVE. I was on the rebound from a guy I'd been crushing for about the same five years! Looking back, he was a good man. He let me down easy, never tried to sleep with me and told me he was going to marry his girlfriend! I was hurt, but my mother told me, "He cares for you, because he cared enough to leave you alone!" I didn't understand at the time, but Mommy was right. "Fast forward  through the death of my mom, me developing General Anxiety Disorder, having panic attacks, two kids who called ACS on me because I was trying to keep them from being GHETTO-FABULOUS, an affair and lies from a man I should have NEVER involved myself with and two more children, I am too overwhelmed to deal with any thing else. Talk about BROKEN DREAMS...I have plenty!

The moral of this post is, LET GOD HAVE HIS WAY IN YOUR LIFE! If he hasn't sent someone your way, take it as a sign, you're not ready. Get you together and WAIT ON THE LORD! I made the mistake of putting a TIME CONSTRAINT on when God should've found me LOVE...that's where I MADE MY MISTAKE!!!

My dreams are shattered, my thought process...different. How I see love and life is totally different. I should have remained single and with out children. Especially now since my mom is gone. Life definitely has taken on a different meaning. I want a "DO OVER" as Ghost Face would say! I'm waiting...I guess I'll just wait some more!