This song didn't deserve the recognition it should've and neither did David Ruffin.
I woke up with this song on my heart this morning, because the words are so deep and describes me to a "T." Because I'm not afraid to admit I've been such a FOOL with some of the decisions in my life. Although there's no going back to change a lot of things, I have a list of mistakes I wish I could go back in time and fix. To who I first slept with, to the man I married and the fathers' of my children.
Yes, I said it! Even though I was young and stupid I still could've made wiser choices in my life. I was hurting real bad and made many decisions based on grief and hurt.
In 1986, my grandmother died, leaving me DEVASTATED! I was so HURT, I couldn't function and the HURT manifested into an ANGER I still carry today. My mother and I didn't have the greatest relationship, but my Grandmother LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY and now she was gone.
All of a sudden, my world was disrupted and the beginning of my loneliness set in. You can be surrounded by many, but still feel alone. If you don't have TRUE LOVE in your life, you will look for love in all the wrong places. I was fifteen and five months shy of my sixteenth birthday, when I met who I THOUGHT was the LOVE of my life! Yeah right!!! All he did was take advantage of me. When we first met, I remember telling him I was a virgin and he didn't even believe me. WOW! The young me, didn't realize the caliber of girls he was used to, so there was no way my ANGRY, LOUD, WILD ASS could've been a virgin! Oh what a misconception! Most girls like that are very CLOSE MINDED WHEN IT COMES TO SEX, especially at that age. Your demeanor doesn't always accompany your actions. Funny thing is, when I saw him some time ago I had to remind him because HE FORGOT!!! In today's urban term: "WTF!" How do you forget something like being woman's first sexual partner? OHHH KAAAYYY THHHENNN....
Right then, I knew allowing him to be the first, was a HUGE MISTAKE (shaking my damn head) and with all the guys chasing me...I chose HIM! I HAD TO BE A FOOL! Le Sigh...( in my Parisian Language). Looking back, I realized he was so selfish and self-centered...on top of that he didn't deserve my time or the precious thing I gave him...YEAH I WAS SUCH A FOOL!
If I could go back to Friday, September 26, 1986; get off the "A" train and take my ass to school, I really believe my life would've been SO MUCH BETTER, EVEN RIGHT TODAY!
Writing this and listening to the sound of the rain, makes me feel numb...I can't even write anymore, so I will sign off for now and leave you to the words of this melancholy song...
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