FACE BOOK...SHOWS TRUE FACE!!!

The other day my friend Divine in boxed me to see how I was doing. It was funny because my girlfriend had the only crush on him back in the day and just asked me about the old Bay Towers Crew! I told her I hadn't seen any of them in awhile, but most of us are friends on Face Book. All of a sudden, I get a message from Divine who lets me know he'll be in town and wants to hang out.  My girlfriend and I will be going to meet him for dinner. I miss my old friends and don't mind chilling with them, the GENUINE ones. I'm learning to be weary of dudes with two FAKE BOOK pages and the ones who LURK on your page because it's open and yet you can't see theirs or they don't have the respect to friend request you! Yet all the other skank ass tramps are on their page and this is when you realize, they have a lot to hide... You gotta love em, FAKE AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL!

The one thing people don't realize is there's only but so much hiding you can do behind a profile. Believe me, the real you permeates in ways you wouldn't imagine.

Don't you just love the fake ass fools who are married or in relationships yet they look to hook up with females on the sly? I love those types, cause in a week they'll be boo'd up in some Fake Book Flick with their Wife or "Boo!" Which is why I only deal with certain people and I am not on a cyber hunt for a date.

These last couple years have taught me so much about people especially men; how shallow and full of shit they are. Why they can befriend certain people on a social network and yet have an issue with  you. If there's one thing I do have is tact, respect and common sense. I never comment on any of my male friends pics or make inappropriate comments; especially if they have a wife or a girl friend. It's not worth the stress and I don't want the headache.

There was a time I'd question the reasoning behind people's actions, but I had to look within myself and realize when people act a certain way, they're not your friend anyway...they never were!

So I want to take the time to Thank my home boys, ex-crushes, boyfriends and good friends for being real with me and not slithering around a snake, full of dishonesty and lies. For respecting me enough to know I would never disrespect them or their significant other. I encourage my male friends in the most positive ways and have no time for games... I KNOW MY PLACE AND STAY IN IT!



Jentezen Franklin The Boaz family tree...Part I

 

This was me. I thought I'd followed all the rules. After I'd given birth to my second child I realized, it was time for me to spend time...alone with myself. At twenty one I'd been married, by twenty three, I had my daughter and moved back home. I was six months pregnant and not married a full year, when the decision was made to go back home. I was going to be a mother and her father had too many issues for me to deal with him and raise my daughter too. My focus was her and providing a decent life for us. Something he couldn't do. I had no desire to live a life of poverty or allow my child to suffer, I wasn't raised like that. We never knew anything about being poor or maybe we didn't realize we were poor. But I can't relate to living an impoverished lifestyle, even though we resided in Far Rockaway! My house was immaculately clean. We weren't on welfare and NEVER went without! I guess I didn't realize we were working class, but we were, and for my mother to spend three hundred dollars on comforters for her bed or have the living drapes custom made, who would think they were poor? There was no Kool Aid allowed in my house, until the nineties, when we could buy it ourselves. Mommy did Gouz and she was a sale shopper. A woman who knew the art of money was being a finagler! We had Waterford crystal in our house, Beige carpet and glass tables from Fortunoff and even some Haufman Koos Hunni! There was no walking around in her house with no shoes on! NO WAY!

So I wasn't going to raise my daughter in a home where she felt impoverished or disadvantaged.

Which is why I knew my marriage wouldn't work and it was destined to FAIL! It is true, you cannot marry someone who is not on your level. You are wasting your time dating someone who can't understand why you'd spend forty dollars on a shower curtain. Because they shop on the Avenue or Conway. It's just not sensible. When my parents were married, they received fine bone China as one of their wedding gifts. My mother knew about the finer things in life. Where as my father didn't mind the "THRIFT SHOP!" Now there is a recipe for disaster!

It was hard watching my parents fight over money and priorities. My Grandparents had money and most of the people on my mother's side of the family had a lil money! My uncles were Masons and some of my aunts' were Eastern Stars and had pledged sororities and were apart of the elitist organizations. So When I say my family don't do CHEAP or TAWDRY...WE DON"T! I may be the most "HOOD" of my female cousins and I own that! But best believe this "HOOD RAT" has a Bachelor's Degree hanging up in my living room. And I know more about the Jack and Jill clubs, The Boule's, The Girlfriends and Lynx's clubs...Yet I was too dumb to pledge Delta when I should have.

I really made a lot of bad calls in my life and when I decided to become CELIBATE and wait on GOD! I BLEW IT BY PLACING A TIME LIMIT ON THE LORD AND THAT'S JUST ONE THING YOU DON'T DO!

Jentezen Franklin The Boaz family tree...Part ll

 

During the early two thousands, God DELIVERED ME INTO A LAND AND TIME OF PROSPERITY! I became an English Teacher and Dean. God Blessed me with my own car, my daughter attended private school and my children NEVER WENT  WITHOUT! I had my own apartment, wanted to purchase my own house out on Long Island and was aspiring to become a Principal!

In the beginning, I was okay with being celibate, because I had my eye on someone, but he was in a relationship and I didn't see the sense of violating what he had. I wanted to RESPECT him and the mother of his children. So I stayed away and waited for him. He never knew it, but I was waiting on him. Eventually, we spoke and he informed me he was getting married and I was CRUSHED! But it was ok, or so I thought...I'd met him in ninety eight through a good friend at Bally's. That was the second LOVE of MY LIFE! They say you get three and I ADORED HIM! We became good friends and he treated me with the utmost respect and I am grateful today and we are still friends.

He was the man I wanted. I saw the dedication he had to his children and the love for his family. This man worked hard and lived in his own house. He was a party promoter and had hundreds of broads running behind him, and I felt out of place. But he always made me feel RESPECTED and called me BABY GIRL! I wanted to marry him...I was CONVINCED HE WAS IN THE CARDS. But God knew better. We had similar tastes and views, he was the man who gave the big barbecues and liked to entertain at his house and I knew this was the man I wanted to be with. He loved life and I knew we would've been ok together. But we said our goodbye's and life went on and I met Lucas.

From the start I knew Lucas was a rebound thing. I was tired of waiting and being lonely. I remember telling the Lord, "Five years is too long for me to still be waiting for a husband!" But thirteen years later, I am still unmarried and DIDN'T WAIT ON THE LORD!

Sometimes I wonder if my BOAZ exists, but I've been so disappointed in SETTLING for a man I didn't love, I may have ruined my chances for  marriage.

All the red flags were there. I have NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF, If I'd only WAITED ON GOD TO SEND ME MY BOAZ!

The moral of the story is "WAIT ON GOD AND DON"T PUT ANY LIMITS, RESTRICTIONS OR TIME CONSTRAINTS ON GOD...THEY DON'T WORK and HE DOES THINGS IN HIS OWN TIME!

DAVID RUFFIN -"STATUE OF A FOOL" (1975)

This song didn't deserve the recognition it should've and neither did David Ruffin.

I woke up with this song on my heart this morning, because the words are so deep and describes me to a "T." Because I'm not afraid to admit I've been such a FOOL with some of the decisions in my life. Although there's no going back to change a lot of things, I have a list of mistakes I wish I could go back in time and fix. To who I first slept with, to the man I married and the fathers' of my children.

Yes, I said it! Even though I was young and stupid I still could've made wiser choices in my life. I was hurting real bad and made many decisions based on grief and hurt.

In 1986, my grandmother died, leaving me DEVASTATED! I was so HURT, I couldn't function and the HURT manifested into an ANGER I still carry today. My mother and I didn't have the greatest relationship, but my Grandmother LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY and now she was gone.

All of a sudden, my world was disrupted and the beginning of my loneliness set in. You can be surrounded by many, but still feel alone. If you don't have TRUE LOVE in your life, you will look for love in all the wrong places. I was fifteen and five months shy of my sixteenth birthday, when I met who I THOUGHT was the LOVE of my life! Yeah right!!! All he did was take advantage of me. When we first met, I remember telling him I was a virgin and he didn't even believe me. WOW! The young me, didn't realize the caliber of girls he was used to, so there was no way my ANGRY, LOUD, WILD ASS could've been a virgin! Oh what a misconception! Most girls like that are very CLOSE MINDED WHEN IT COMES TO SEX, especially at that age. Your demeanor doesn't always accompany your actions. Funny thing is, when I saw him some time ago I had to remind him because HE FORGOT!!! In today's urban term: "WTF!" How do you forget something like being woman's first sexual partner? OHHH KAAAYYY THHHENNN....

Right then, I knew allowing him to be the first, was a HUGE MISTAKE (shaking my damn head) and with all the guys chasing me...I chose HIM! I HAD TO BE A FOOL! Le Sigh...( in my Parisian Language). Looking back, I realized he was so selfish and self-centered...on top of that he didn't deserve my time or the precious thing I gave him...YEAH I WAS SUCH A FOOL!

If I could go back to Friday, September 26, 1986; get off the "A" train and take my ass to school, I really believe my life would've been SO MUCH BETTER, EVEN RIGHT TODAY!

Writing this and listening to the sound of the rain, makes me feel numb...I can't even write anymore, so I will sign off for now and leave you to the words of this melancholy song...

Work For A Cause and Not Applause...

When I began my initial blog, it was about seven years ago. The original concept was about life style, beauty and fashion. But then it hit me, all people do is talk about themselves; what extravagant lifestyle they live, how perfect their lives are and what level of class they aspire to be on. So I changed the premise of my blog wanting to focus on relationships and our daily interactions in life. Of course I can't recall the title, but I never really stuck with it. Life's distractions and  me being busy as all get out prevents me being consistent with anything. The one thing I am is a procrastinator and a commitment phob! As a teenager I've always loved to write and even now as an adult, writing is therapeutic for me. Writing is a talent you have to develop and is not about bragging rights. People write about a lot of facetious crap. Honestly, if I'm not influencing anyone's life in a positive way, then there's nothing to write about.

Which is why I can go days without posting or sit down to post and wind up saving it as a draft. That's what real writers and entertainers do and why some of their greatest work to date is discovered upon their death. Such as in the case of  unreleased work by some of our greatest stars in the entertainment industry. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I don't do this for recognition, I don't do this for praise, I do it for people who have things on their minds they are afraid to verbalize. I'm not trying to impress anyone or be seen. Again, writing is a passion I've had since I was thirteen years old, writing in a diary and reading Jackie Collins novels. I have always been a reader, writer and a dreamer with one vivid imagination. So when I say I'm not looking for attention, believe me I'm not. Sometimes I feel people do things because they have insecurities within themselves and have to  find something or someone to compare themselves to. Having a mind of your own is one thing, but not being swayed from the beliefs, morals and values you were brought up with is stellar. Just because the masses are doing something, doesn't mean you have to follow the masses. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist, and like that...HE WAS GONE!!! This is why I have my own mind, my own views and I will ALWAYS remain FAITHFUL TO MY TRUTHS and WILL NEVER ACCEPT THINGS OF THE WORLD. Our time here is too short to COMPROMISE with EVIL and PRIDE, which is why I ALWAYS WANT TO LIVE A HUMBLE LIFE!!!

My attitude can be real brash and I have a hard time with people who put on "airs' or think they have one up on you for whatever reason. It is because of this, I've taken a true insouciant attitude towards certain people and whether they speak or not, I love them, but "PRESSED" is one thing I am not...TRUST! Education has a tendency to send an illusion of elitism and make people think they have one up on people with out a college degree. The way I see it is you may have degrees, but a shit load of mountainous debt as an accoutrement to your "degrees!" Who needs it? Oh and by the way, you will be paying them loans back until you die or hit the lottery...which ever comes first. So putting on pompous airs are a waste of time, trust me and some of the richest people to date, never finish college! If it ain't one thang it's another with people and most us always feel we have to out shine or out do each other. Especially women. We have some personal inbred insecurities and need to seriously look inward, and search our souls. There's so much cynicism and competition among women...everything is a competition of some magnitude. If we see another woman in our peer group making strides, why do we feel the need to discredit them inadvertently? Are you thinking of a way to show a person up by superseding what they do? Who are you proving your skills to, especially if you don't run in similar circles? Therefore, it must be an insecurity within yourself you need to address.

I like to expose my flaws and for the most part, I am an open book; pulling no punches and telling no lies. Zanee' is Zanee' and I don't do airs and I hate FAKE!  Let me say a lot of people have a false sense of HIGH GRANDUER and think they are the cat's pajama's. Let me say, you are sadly mistaken and humility needs to become a HUGE part of renovation in your life. I don't care what you have or had, always remember, over confidence leaves room for a fall. I've seen the most down to earth people grow obnoxious when God bestows a small blessing in their lives and when you become to "HIGH" for your own self; he snatches the rug right from under you! Welcome back to reality kids...did you enjoy thinking you were better than someone for that small amount of time.

I find a lot of women do this too, especially when they are getting married. Does the engagement ring become a pass to think you're better than the next broad? Maybe you've been blessed and not lucky or lucky and not blessed! You've degraded yourself enough, and now your making wedding plans and acting like you're better than people you've cried to when the chips were down...typical chicks! I've been married before, it's no big deal if you don't have TRUE LOVE! You can say you were in love or your ass has been on the shelf so long, you take the first man who asks you to marry and pretend you are SO IN LOVE! No honey, who you wanted didn't choose you and let's talk about your promiscuous romps in the club on the low and one night stands with the wrong dude and now you're a wife or might be one and all of a sudden you're a SAINT?!?! When did this happen? Again a little HUMILITY would've been nice, because God forbid you don't get married or get married and it doesn't work out; who's shoulder will you cry on after you've acted like an ass? Now you need to eat some HUMBLE PIE and crawl back to the clubs and parties and the one night stands. Selling yourself short looking for love in all the wrong places. HUMILITY IS GREAT...TRY IT... IT WORKS! Work for a CAUSE and Not Applause!!!