I've had my share of Uggs...about eight pairs and counting. For about three years I kept promising myself I'd finally purchase a pair of Muk Luks, unfortunately I haven't gotten around to it yet. Last year , my girl Barbara had on a pair of these and I fell hopelessly in LUST! You can bet your bottom dollar ya girl will be purchasing these babies REAL SOON.
Lately or should I say for the last eight years of my life, I've been at The Crossroads and I am afraid to leave. Picture yourself standing in the middle of a split dirt road wondering if you should go right or left!
For some people it is so easy to make life choices, it has NEVER been that way for me. I've always been indecisive about so many things; from choosing a career I love to the men I have relationships with. Being I've never been a serial dater, I have a tendency to date one man at a time; I guess it was because I was raised as a "church girl!"
The way I was brought up, was old fashioned and some what primitive. I'm not saying it was all wrong, but times have changed and I wish my thought process was different. Our doctrine was; men worked, were the providers and women stayed home and raised the family. At the time, I thought that was the way things should be. Not just because the pastor said so, but let's be real; back in the days our men, no matter what the race took care of our families. Women didn't have to worry about buying a house to live in, a car to drive or putting food on the table...it was just done!
So I grew up with this misconception about love, life and men! I realize I'd been living a fairytale most of my life. I longed for someone to grow old with, a childhood or high school sweet heart, like most women I knew had back then. I just knew if I remained "A GOOD GIRL" that God would send me a man that "APPRECIATED" my "VIRTUOUS TENDENCIES!" That turned out to be the biggest disappointment of my life. I was waiting for a resolution that would never come. I was waiting for "The UNDYING LOVE, His Proposal, My Mother's Joy, The Bridal Shower, The Dress, The Wedding, The Reception and The Honeymoon! I felt I was worth it all because I wasn't promiscuous and loose. I was a house girl, I cooked, I cleaned, I washed and was a modern day Florence from the Jefferson. My dream was to have my husband buy me my first home, I didn't think it was appropriate for me as a woman to do that; I couldn't have been more wrong. I looked forward to the day we went "house hunting" and after a day of looking at many houses in and out of our budget, I'd see one I really wanted and my husband would say, "that's a bit much, I don't think so!" Of course, I'd be disappointed and we'd go home. I'd probably call my mom and complain, only to hear her say; You need to be GRATEFUL, I lived in this apartment the great part of my life and this man is buying you a house? You better Shut up!" That's my Moms, in good fashion...shutting you down when you don't realize God's Blessings in your life! After listening to her logic, I'd change my thought process and think of the possibilities of a house we probably agreed on. Only for a Saturday morning breakfast at IHOP or dinner at a really nice restaurant and my husband saying "I need to show you something!" We're just driving and driving toward the place where I saw the house I wanted, but not what we agreed upon. All of a sudden, he's turning into the driveway of the house using the excuse the realtor is meeting him there so we can sign the papers for the other house. By now, 've stopped sulking and am just happy to be FINALLY LIVING IN A HOUSE! We get out of the car, because my husband claims the realtor has papers for us to sign. Instead, we walk up to the front door and he pushes the key into the lock and we walk right in! I look puzzled, "where's the realtor? Oh, my husband say...he'll be here in a minute. Meanwhile, sign these papers! Now I'm a lil upset, why do I have to sign papers in the house I wanted, but can't get!!! I see a pen on the counter with the papers, I sign uninterested and my husband hands me the keys, "Welcome to your new house!" I loose it at that point...HE CAME THROUGH FOR ME! I thank him PROFUSELY and the first thing I want to do is CALL MOMMY, GO GET HER AND BRING HER HERE! "I gotta go...I have to go get MOMMY!" Fast forward twenty plus years. The story is different and I don't care to share the disappointment. I will say, I wish I bought my own house! I am 43 years old and still living in an apartment. Life is funny, I don't know what's ahead, but for you young women out there, find your OWN WAY...BUY YOUR OWN HOUSE! DON'T WAIT FOR A MAN TO DO IT FOR YOU, YOU MIGHT STILL BE WAITING AT THE CROSSROADS FOR MANY THINGS. WHAT IS YOUR CROSSROAD?
I'm Baaaccckkk! I've been pretending to write a blog for years now and too afraid to really do it. Was I afraid, procrastinating or just plain lazy? I have a wealth of knowledge I want to share, but I was
always afraid to share it. I just realized over time how afraid I've been of success and how much fear has stopped me from reaching my full potential in life.
If there were ever a time for fear and I to break up, it's now! I can't do this anymore, I won't.
For now, it's a new day. Out with the old and in with the new. To anyone that I discard from my life, I am not sorry, sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! If you're not helping my cause, you're hindering it...SO LEAVE ME BE!!! I got some Dreams I Just Caught!;D
I haven't written since the anniversary of my mother's death. I guess it's because I have had so much going on in my life I don't care to talk about. Thanksgiving came & went...so has my 41st birthday. In the midst of that my youngest daughter Cimaya turned 3 years old, complete with a Princess Tiana themed birthday cake. The morning of my birthday seemed like any other birthday. For the 1st time in my life, the element of excitement surrounding my birthday was absent. Usually, I am excited & anxious. This year, not so much. I have alot of things on my mind. For one, I feel I've gone middle of the road. For a woman with much wisdom as I have for everyone else, I have none left for myself.
It was my dream to spend my 40th Birthday in Gay Paree'! Instead, my 40th was spent sitting in an Anger Management class over an ACS case I'd acquired in September. Afterwhich, Mr. Lucas & I drove around in a 2010 Smoke Grey Altima he'd just bought me & dined at Le' Cheesecake Factory. The original plan was to head to Atlantic City, but that quickly became just what it was a plan, cause I was too exhausted to drive three hours. I wasn't dressed for the occasion so Le' Cheesecake it was. I had a new car so I was ok. Yet I still longed for the sights of the Eifel Tower & small quaint shops filled with couture & exotic perfumes. Flea Markets filled with artisinal cheeses & rare vintage wines I probably couldn't pronounce. Nonetheless, I wanted to be there. I have a list of places I want to visit. Italy's coast of Capri, the watery city of Venice, Rome & Greece...to name a few. I've always wanted to visit Paris though. The scenery, the cafe's, the perfume, the fashion & the MACAROONS! OH MY!!! Life is about choices, I guess. And I guess I haven't made many wise ones. To walk the cobbled streets of St. Tropez & live the life of a spoiled worldy femme fatale. Sit on a yacht just to pinch myself to see if it were real. Sunbathing til I down right baked another shade of brown sugar. Sun coated yellow manicured hands & feet to go along with my sultry smoky sunkissed tan with jet black hair...a Pochantas Boho Beauty. And believe me, I am wearing a stark white tunic, I don't believe in showing too much skin. Too much skin, leaves little to the imagination. Yeah, I was supposed to live a jaded life. I am a Socialite, but instead of calling myself poor, I will say I am a "Financially Challenged" Socialite. With a taste for the finer things in life. Anyway, as Christmas rapidily approaches, so does my youngest son Jaden's Birthday. He will be 4yrs old. A trip tp FAO Swartz would be nice for both he & Cimaya. A change from the mainstream Toys R Us, Target or Walmart thing. My children deserve the best, I don't even require a private shopping excurision. LOL;) I guess apart from me feeling a little blue...I know deep down inside, I'd like a house to come home to. But that's another story for another day. I feel like Eartha Kitt these days, "Santa Baby!" I do have the same exact list, but without the deed to a platinum mine!
As I close out my blog, I could think of about a million things I'd want for Christmas. But at the end of the day, I think having my Mother alive would suffice. Maybe she & I could've taken the Paris trip together!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
My mommy is gone. Well she's been gone about six years today to be exact & its funny how the people she loved the most seem to care the less.
Well Mommy if you can see, I LOVE YOU & YOU STAY WITH ME IN MY HEART EVERY DAY! I can't breathe without you in my life. This reminds me of R.Kelly's I Can't Sleep!
Its amazing how life is, how the child who gives you the most stress, loves you the most! And the ones you dote on, have no time for you! I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have had any children. Especially if they turn out to be ungrateful little ingrates who don't realize that it was YOU who made them who they are!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
God Knows I LUV ALL THINGS NEW YORK! One of my Theme Songs is Odyssey's "Native New Yorker!" Young & Pretty New York City Girl, is a verse in the song that best describes me! I LOVE NEW YORK!!! It is a LOVE AFFAIR which began as a little girl, staring at the TWIN TOWERS in awe...not knowing one day I'd work in those very same buildings. I am in LOVE WITH THE MANHATTAN SKYLINE & LOVE the song on the Saturday Night Fever Sound Track. That's a song you'd play at the end of your life to me. The lights of the GREATEST CITY in the world. The buildings, the stores & the infamous taxi's. How could you not LOVE 5th Ave, Maddy Ave, Park & Lexy... Are you kidding? You're no New Yorker if you've never sat on the deck of South Street Seaport staring across at Brooklyn & the BQE. Or took a short trip around the harbour on either the Circle Line or the Staten Island Ferry! I once visited Ellis Island & learned alot about the many immigrants who passed by our French Given Goddess "The Statue of Liberty" just to begin a new life in our GREAT CITY NEW YORK!
So in honor of my LOVE FOR NEW YORK, I invite you ladies to LIVE THE SCENT THAT REPS THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD...Bond No.9's "I LOVE NEW YORK FOR ALL!" It's a DELICIOUS & CLASSY SCENT not too many will recognize. It's definitely an Ode to the CITY I LOVE & A WINK TO THE CLASSY WOMEN WHO WEAR IT;)
It was my dream to spend my 40th Birthday in Gay Paree'! Instead, my 40th was spent sitting in an Anger Management class over an ACS case I'd acquired in September. Afterwhich, Mr. Lucas & I drove around in a 2010 Smoke Grey Altima he'd just bought me & dined at Le' Cheesecake Factory. The original plan was to head to Atlantic City, but that quickly became just what it was a plan, cause I was too exhausted to drive three hours. I wasn't dressed for the occasion so Le' Cheesecake it was. I had a new car so I was ok. Yet I still longed for the sights of the Eifel Tower & small quaint shops filled with couture & exotic perfumes. Flea Markets filled with artisinal cheeses & rare vintage wines I probably couldn't pronounce. Nonetheless, I wanted to be there. I have a list of places I want to visit. Italy's coast of Capri, the watery city of Venice, Rome & Greece...to name a few. I've always wanted to visit Paris though. The scenery, the cafe's, the perfume, the fashion & the MACAROONS! OH MY!!! Life is about choices, I guess. And I guess I haven't made many wise ones. To walk the cobbled streets of St. Tropez & live the life of a spoiled worldy femme fatale. Sit on a yacht just to pinch myself to see if it were real. Sunbathing til I down right baked another shade of brown sugar. Sun coated yellow manicured hands & feet to go along with my sultry smoky sunkissed tan with jet black hair...a Pochantas Boho Beauty. And believe me, I am wearing a stark white tunic, I don't believe in showing too much skin. Too much skin, leaves little to the imagination. Yeah, I was supposed to live a jaded life. I am a Socialite, but instead of calling myself poor, I will say I am a "Financially Challenged" Socialite. With a taste for the finer things in life. Anyway, as Christmas rapidily approaches, so does my youngest son Jaden's Birthday. He will be 4yrs old. A trip tp FAO Swartz would be nice for both he & Cimaya. A change from the mainstream Toys R Us, Target or Walmart thing. My children deserve the best, I don't even require a private shopping excurision. LOL;) I guess apart from me feeling a little blue...I know deep down inside, I'd like a house to come home to. But that's another story for another day. I feel like Eartha Kitt these days, "Santa Baby!" I do have the same exact list, but without the deed to a platinum mine!
God Knows I LUV ALL THINGS NEW YORK! One of my Theme Songs is Odyssey's "Native New Yorker!" Young & Pretty New York City Girl, is a verse in the song that best describes me! I LOVE NEW YORK!!! It is a LOVE AFFAIR which began as a little girl, staring at the TWIN TOWERS in awe...not knowing one day I'd work in those very same buildings. I am in LOVE WITH THE MANHATTAN SKYLINE & LOVE the song on the Saturday Night Fever Sound Track. That's a song you'd play at the end of your life to me. The lights of the GREATEST CITY in the world. The buildings, the stores & the infamous taxi's. How could you not LOVE 5th Ave, Maddy Ave, Park & Lexy... Are you kidding? You're no New Yorker if you've never sat on the deck of South Street Seaport staring across at Brooklyn & the BQE. Or took a short trip around the harbour on either the Circle Line or the Staten Island Ferry! I once visited Ellis Island & learned alot about the many immigrants who passed by our French Given Goddess "The Statue of Liberty" just to begin a new life in our GREAT CITY NEW YORK!
