THANKSGIVING, MY BIRTHDAY & CHRISTMAS RINGS IN THE NEW YEAR!

I haven't written since the anniversary of my mother's death. I guess it's because I have had so much going on in my life I don't care to talk about. Thanksgiving came & went...so has my 41st birthday. In the midst of that my youngest daughter Cimaya turned 3 years old, complete with a Princess Tiana themed birthday cake. The morning of my birthday seemed like any other birthday. For the 1st time in my life, the element of excitement surrounding my birthday was absent. Usually, I am excited & anxious. This year, not so much. I have alot of things on my mind. For one, I feel I've gone middle of the road. For a woman with much wisdom as I have for everyone else, I have none left for myself.

It was my dream to spend my 40th Birthday in Gay Paree'! Instead, my 40th was spent sitting in an Anger Management class over an ACS case I'd acquired in September. Afterwhich, Mr. Lucas & I drove around in a 2010 Smoke Grey Altima he'd just bought me & dined at Le' Cheesecake Factory. The original plan was to head to Atlantic City, but that quickly became just what it was a plan, cause I was too exhausted to drive three hours. I wasn't dressed for the occasion so Le' Cheesecake it was. I had a new car so I was ok. Yet I still longed for the sights of the Eifel Tower & small quaint shops filled with couture & exotic perfumes. Flea Markets filled with artisinal cheeses & rare vintage wines I probably couldn't pronounce. Nonetheless, I wanted to be there. I have a list of places I want to visit. Italy's coast of Capri, the watery city of Venice, Rome & Greece...to name a few. I've always wanted to visit Paris though. The scenery, the cafe's, the perfume, the fashion & the MACAROONS! OH MY!!! Life is about choices, I guess. And I guess I haven't made many wise ones. To walk the cobbled streets of St. Tropez & live the life of a spoiled worldy femme fatale. Sit on a yacht just to pinch myself to see if it were real. Sunbathing til I down right baked another shade of brown sugar. Sun coated yellow manicured hands & feet to go along with my sultry smoky sunkissed tan with jet black hair...a Pochantas Boho Beauty. And believe me, I am wearing a stark white tunic, I don't believe in showing too much skin. Too much skin, leaves little to the imagination. Yeah, I was supposed to live a jaded life. I am a Socialite, but instead of calling myself poor, I will say I am a "Financially Challenged" Socialite. With a taste for the finer things in life. Anyway, as Christmas rapidily approaches, so does my youngest son Jaden's Birthday. He will be 4yrs old. A trip tp FAO Swartz would be nice for both he & Cimaya. A change from the mainstream Toys R Us, Target or Walmart thing. My children deserve the best, I don't even require a private shopping excurision. LOL;) I guess apart from me feeling a little blue...I know deep down inside, I'd like a house to come home to. But that's another story for another day. I feel like Eartha Kitt these days, "Santa Baby!" I do have the same exact list, but without the deed to a platinum mine!

As I close out my blog, I could think of about a million things I'd want for Christmas. But at the end of the day, I think having my Mother alive would suffice. Maybe she & I could've taken the Paris trip together!

My mommy is gone. Well she's been gone about six years today to be exact & its funny how the people she loved the most seem to care the less.

Well Mommy if you can see, I LOVE YOU & YOU STAY WITH ME IN MY HEART EVERY DAY! I can't breathe without you in my life. This reminds me of R.Kelly's I Can't Sleep!

Its amazing how life is, how the child who gives you the most stress, loves you the most! And the ones you dote on, have no time for you! I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have had any children. Especially if they turn out to be ungrateful little ingrates who don't realize that it was YOU who made them who they are!

God Knows I LUV ALL THINGS NEW YORK! One of my Theme Songs is Odyssey's "Native New Yorker!" Young & Pretty New York City Girl, is a verse in the song that best describes me! I LOVE NEW YORK!!! It is a LOVE AFFAIR which began as a little girl, staring at the TWIN TOWERS in awe...not knowing one day I'd work in those very same buildings. I am in LOVE WITH THE MANHATTAN SKYLINE & LOVE the song on the Saturday Night Fever Sound Track. That's a song you'd play at the end of your life to me. The lights of the GREATEST CITY in the world. The buildings, the stores & the infamous taxi's. How could you not LOVE 5th Ave, Maddy Ave, Park & Lexy... Are you kidding? You're no New Yorker if  you've never sat on the deck of South Street Seaport staring across at Brooklyn & the BQE. Or took a short trip around the harbour on either the Circle Line or the  Staten Island Ferry! I once visited Ellis Island & learned alot about the many immigrants who passed by our French Given Goddess "The Statue of Liberty" just to begin a new life in our GREAT CITY NEW YORK!

So in honor of my LOVE FOR NEW YORK, I invite you ladies to LIVE THE SCENT THAT REPS THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD...Bond No.9's "I LOVE NEW YORK FOR ALL!" It's a DELICIOUS & CLASSY SCENT not too many will recognize. It's definitely an Ode to the CITY I LOVE & A WINK TO THE CLASSY WOMEN WHO WEAR IT;)

I Am In Love With The Fall!!!!

THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE...CHOOSING TO WALK ALONE. THROUGH THE FIRE, THROUGH LOSS, HURT, GRIEF, FEAR & PAIN! YET I REFUSE TO COW TOW OR SUBMIT TO THE WISHES OF OTHERS OR WHAT THEIR PERCEPTION OF ME IS. THOSE WHO CALL ME CRAZY, LOUD, GHETTO OR WHAT EVER YOU MAY WANT TO CALL ME...I'M STILL ME, MAKE THAT CLASSY ME & IN ALL YOUR JUDGEMENT OF ME, IT'S REALLY CONFUSION & NOT HATE, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ME OR WHY I AM ME!!! WHY I'M COMFORTABLE IN THE SKIN I'M IN CLASSY OR NOT! IT'S CALLED CONSTITUTION, YOU NEED TO GET YOU SOME & THEN MAYBE YOU MIGHT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ME...I LOVE WALKING THIS CLASSY WALK ALONE!!!

See, this is why I KNOW I'VE MISSED MY CALLING & SHOULD HAVE BEEN A STYLIST or should I say TREND SETTER! I just went to the store, thinking of a way to switch up my game for the Fall season. As you know I have a totally different color & want to offset it with something different. Something besides the nudes, bronzes and coppers. So I decided on my old vintage Vamp Look!
It's the look I will be going for this Fall 2011 Season. The Vamp look is Bold, Daring & Sexy. I first sported the Vamp Lip in 1986 at the age of sixteen, being I wasn't that crazy about reds. It's funny, red didn't become sexy until MAC's Rocker Matte lipstick came out. It was a dark blood red with hints of gold glitter through out it! I also wore that with the MAC Currant pencil. Talk about SEXY...just make sure your teeth are WHTIE!;)

In the nineties, I began wearing a Vamp Purple look from MAC with a bit of irridescent lavender in the middle of a dark purple lip & of course the Currant lip liner.  I believe the lavender color was called Cyber. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the nearly black/purple matte lip stick I wore as a base. MAC has since discontinued the Vamp Purple color.

I've already purchased some vamp colors. Now I have to put the magic to work! Check yall later ladies! Try the vamp look, its very sexy, very different, very you & makes a statement! How cute is Angela Simmons? She is WERKIN THIS LOOK WITH A SOFT NUDE EYE! A perfect balance, so the eyes focus on the lips as soon as you see her!;) Werk it Girl!!!

One of My Bucket List Wishes

Two Pairings that are the Loves of my Life... Fashion & a Mercedes Benz!

I've  read Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, W Magazine, Essence & Elle since I was knee high to a fly! Obviously enough, Essence, Ebony & Jet were the favz in my house...we are Black! I've always loved Fashion Fair & by the time I twelve, I was familar with Iman, Beverly, Sheila & Naomi Sims before Naomi Campbell by first name basis. I knew who Diane Von Furstenburg was, Halston, Gucci, & many big name designers were before they became famous for who they are today. Sure we had Chanel, Christian La Croix, Ferragamo & Dior to name a few. They are the classics commitee to me. Donna Karan, Calvin, Tommy Hil & Adrienne came out a little later on in the game. Before there were Lou Bou's there were Fred Braun, Joan & David, Charles Jourdan, Andrew Geller. The List goes on. In the eighties, I wore Andrew Geller shoes and lusted for Gucci.

Then the introduction of designer bags for the mainstream working class came into play. Gucci being the front runner. I had my first Gucci at sixteen years old, I was fond of Gucci...but I LOVED FENDISSIMO! Fendi is comprised of five sisters from Italy & their bags were phenomenal! I bought my first Fendi at 17 years old! Ha!

There is so much I LOVE about the world of fashion, but it takes a woman of class to pull it off. Any body can put on the best Alaia or Herve Legere dress...but if you don't look the part, you can't pull it off! With that said I'm going to leave it at this, you can wear anything from Old Navy to Target to Haute Coutoure...but if you "AIN'T GOT IT" all the class & front seats in the world won't help you!

Fashion Week is on my to do list before I die...but its only for the "Classy Elite!" Don't matter what you wear...It's All An Illusion;)

My Twin Towers Love Affair!

In the summer of 1988, I was seventeen years old. Seventeen & of course jobless. I spent the entire summer looking for a job. Until a good friend of my Mother called her & said "Tell Zanee' I have the perfect job for her if she wants it!" Of Course, I Yell! I'm happy now. Because I know the job is in the city & I LOVE NEW YORK CITY...oh & of course the money is going to be good, especially for a seventeen year old! Mommy being the "Southern Belle"she was, sat me down to have a talk with me about how to "present" myself during the interview and on the job. "None of them big ugly earrings, take them out, and leave your expressive colloquial dialect for your friends!"

Point well taken Mommy, I get it! So the morning of the interview, I dress in business attire, no earrings or gaudy jewels,  just a simple smidgen of lipstick & off to take over the world! I got the job and learned some life life long lessons from that experience.  I became a Resource Librarian at Mancin-Duffy, a prestigious Interior Design firm. We had accounts to design major law firms, financial institutions, Peat Morris...stays in my mind & the CBS television station offices to name a few.

The first day on the job I was so excited! I was hired on the spot & remained there for the entire day! Filling out tax papers & having my first experience with Blue Cross Blue Shield as my health provider. I thought I was big time! I was making about 25,000 dollars back then! That's a lot of money for a seventeen year old girl from Far Rockaway!!!

I LOVED THAT JOB & was personally greeted by one of the OWNERS...Mr. Mancini himself! He was Italian of course & I was the only female face of 'color". Mr. Mancini graciously came to my little office, just to meet lil ol' me! You know what they say about Italian men? They do LOVE THEM SOME MOULIES! Mr. Duffy, didn't bother...I guess he is not into Dark Meat! But Yes, the Big Boss came to the back of the office, with fear & surprise left in his wake. Me being young & clueless, had no idea that this was a man who the people who worked for him RARELY SAW! So I guess they were wondering "why is he coming to personally greet this young black girl?"

Working at Mancini-Duffy was the opportunity of a life time & I loved drafting presentation boards & meeting wealthy people from all walks of life. But my TRUE LOVE was The TWIN TOWERS! The stores, the people, the restaurants...the bands, the homeless people checking for change & most of all...it's NEW YORK CITY FEEL! The sphere that now resides in Battery Park was once a vibrant fountain gushing the essence of life. In the winter months, it was shut off & me, Leslie & Sharene once took pictures sitting on the base of the fountain!

The week before the Tower's went down, I was marveling at the revitalization being down.  New stores, restaurants the whole nine yards, but it was so strange to me. Because I don't care too much for change. As I think about it, two things stay  so vivid in my mind. The first was the exotic flower store on the lower level. It was newly opened & there were the most beautiful yellow flowers I'd ever seen. The next odd memory was how I watched the people in the buildings, just going about their day. I thought about the fragility of life & how people take things for granted. I thought to myself, what would these people do if this building were to fall on them? It was just a passing thought...little did I know the buildings I LOVE SOOO MUCH would fall the next week! I kept that fleeting thought to myself & left my Love for the Last Time! You know that saying" You never know when its going to be the last time you see a person?" It was like that! I gazed into the eyes of my LOVE for the last time!

As the tenth year anniversary of the Towers approach, I can't help but think of how many people lost their lives & how they must've felt just like me. If they felt that way, sad but true...they died in the arms of one of their True Loves! Something died inside me that day. I was never the same after that & the same carnage & gaping hole that was left as "Ground Zero" had found its way into my heart! They always say throughout your life, different doors to stages in your life open and close. The World Trade Center's demise closed a door in my life I will NEVER FORGET!

Good Night My Love & To All The People Who Lost Their Lives...May God Continue To Keep In His Care!

Almo-nd Love With Carol's Daughter!!!

Ok, So we all know Carol's Daughter is the rave in the African American Communities. But the brand is making its mark in main stream American culture. From major malls to HSN, Honeeeey, Carol's Daughter is "Doin Her Thang!"
For some its new, but I was sprung in the Fall of 2000, when my sister lovingly gifted me with a small dram of the Almond Cookie scent!
Oh, a dram is a small muslim like oil bottle, but in the form of a sample! I was hooked!

Back then, Carol's Daughter was located on the corner of Dekalb & South Portland in Spike Lee's old store. And for the record...the lines would be out the door & around the corner with women waiting, in the cold, to buy Carol's Daughter!!!

Her scents were PHENOMENAL & STILL ARE! Now a successful proprietor, she has many stores and even one in Harlem on 125th Street with a small quaint spa in the back. Some place your girl will be making an appearance at in the near future.
So ladies, we've all supported The Body Shop, Crab Tree & Evelyn, Bath & Body and old faithful Vicky's Secret! It's time to step your game up & support Carol's Daughter, a little more! I can promise you, you won't be sorry;)

The Older I Get The More I Realize How Fate & Love Are Connected!

Every time I listen to this song, it brings makes me question what true love really feels like & if that one person you met years ago was supposed to play a major role in your life.
The funny thing is, as you get older you begin to analyze your life and realize who you REALLY LOVED in your life and IF THEY LOVED YOU! Years go by, you lose touch. You marry & they marry...but are you happy? Do you wonder if you made the right decision...Fate is real people, if you truly love some one...ask yourself if you could live without them, years later & be honest about it!

Are You Marrying For Love Or Jumping On The Band Wagon of Spite?

It's every little girl's dream to don a wedding dress & glide hopelessly down the aisle. Down the aisle to marry her prince charming, the love of her life...to marry her husband. For better or worse, for richer or poor. Aaaaahhh til' death do us part!
After those vows are taken, the new couple are introduced to the world as Mr. & Mrs! The happy couple poses for the paparazzi & heads off to the reception hall. Now if your African American with an old school state of mind, the Master or Mistress of Ceremony introduces you to the tune of First Choice's Hit of the 70's for couples " Let No Man Put Asunder!" Owww!!! The sound of Philly reppin hard as you hit the dance floor with your new husband. You won the battle, you won him...lock, stock & barrel!
This was my dream. I'd gone to countless weddings & danced to "Let No Man Put Asunder!" & it became my anthem for all relationships, like Aretha Franklin demanding "RESPECT!" I also decided when I was a little girl, that I would dance to the same song. I never got the chance. I mean I did get married, shot gun at Kew Gardens Court House, it wasn't what I had in mind at all.
Why am I saying all this? Because well, I was NEVER IN LOVE with my ex husband, not in the least & I'm tired of society taking marriage so lightly. It seems like women are getting married with the first proposal they get! What happened to making sure this "thing" feels right? Are we getting married out of love or because we have a hidden agenda? Are you marrying some one out of spite, to get back at an old flame, that strung your ass along for years and you feel you have a point to prove because you were snubbed? Yep, that's about it! Been there, done that too!
I married my first husband, because I was young, stupid & angry at the man I was TRULY IN LOVE WITH! But we'd gone through so much together & I felt he'd embarassed me enough; his little fan club, a girl pregnant & an engagement to some chick ( I'd heard from his own friends) was "loose!" I was seething with hurt & blinded by anger. The lies, the betrayal had to be returned...he had to experience the pain I felt. Yet at the end of the day, I was the one who paid dearly in the end. Anger is an emotion that will soon fade...LOVE DOESN'T, ESPECIALLY TRUE LOVE!
Today, I watch this generation of young women & what their ideology of what love is...God HELP them, PLEASE! I don't want to say too much, but there is one young lady in particular who I talked to from time to time, before she was purposed to. Hungry, Thirsty & Beastin for a man, I told her just hold on, when it's your time God will send some one just for you. Well he did & her whole disposition changed toward me, who's been with my current Fiance for almost ten years. Yes that's a long time, but because of my experience as a young woman, I REFUSE TO RUN DOWN THE AISLE &NOT MEAN IT!
Marriage is not a joke & the reason you didn't get married, is because God knew your heart better than I did. And its amazing how as soon as women get a proposal, they CHANGE & become BETTER THAN YOU! When LOVE IS  TRUE, You DON'T CHANGE, You BECOME A BETTER PERSON! So let that be a lesson to you, because you are clueless as to what TRUE LOVE is & now your back on the market & because of how you acted with me & others...you will remain that way for a while! The moral of the story is know why you're getting married & make sure its for all the right reasons & not out of SPITE!